Cliche List - General

[eiahmon]

A * means that the cliche has a note attached.
Cliches that have a strikethough are no longer considered cliche for whatever reason. Usually this is due to them no longer being in use.


General  (works in any fandom)

A/N: Thanks to the wonderful people on the Snorkack Yahoo group, for their many contributions to this list.

1. ALL MEN ARE GAY!

2. Writing in a fandom that uses another language, i. e. Japanese Rock, automatically makes you an expert in that language, even if you have never studied it.

3. Rapes leaves no mental scars.

4. Guys seldom suffer severe pain from a rape, but if they do, they'll either feel more pleasure than pain or get pleasure from the pain.

5. If one character is gay, all others MUST be gay as well.

6. Spell checking, beta readers, and grammar are not needed if you have a cool plotline.

7. Canon knowledge is NOT necessary.

8. If a character doesn't fit, insert yourself. *

9. If you don't like a character, then they are obviously evil or extremely indelicate in their entanglements, and anyone who disagrees is a mindless flamer who should be sent to hell for not recognizing your genius.

10. You are the author, therefore, you rock. Criticism is only accepted if sounds something like... Squeeee! but u shud kill HArrY ur sommat, he like, sycks. writ mor, u r the gretest eva! (and yes, it was painful to type that)

11. If someone is a better writer than you are (and ignores this list), steal their story, no one will notice - honest, and if people do, then claim you posted it by accident, and had changed a few words for your own benefit. (And yes this is an actual excuse a member of Snorkack received after being plagiarized.)

12. If you are under 17, and have never had sex OR been kissed, then make sure you write smut, because after all, it is just like what you see on TV or on porno movies. And remember, 42 pages is a good length for a description of the characters first kiss

13. If you are a virgin, a girl ALWAYS orgasms with her first sexual experience. If you aren't a virgin, then you know too much to write a realistic story.

14. Anal sex never hurts, even if it’s the character’s first time. Unless it’s a rape of course.

15. A female character will never get ANYTHING from a rape. However a male character will always reach orgasm.

16. Two people can loathe each other, absolutely hate every particle of the other’s being, but if they have a one night stand, they’ll love each other for life.

17. Fanfiction characters are completely oblivious to birth control or STDs. The act of putting on a condom is rarely ever mentioned in smut fics.*

18.Female characters magically never conceive. Males, on the other hand, if Mpreg is present, will conceive at the drop of a hat.*

19. No one ever contracts a STD.*
 

*I couldn't leave out the rest of this one. This one was created by one of the member of Snorkack for the Harry Potter list. Here is the entire thing:

If a character doesn't fit, insert yourself - but don't forget to make yourself more powerful than Harry, DD, and Voldemort combined - and whatever you do, make sure that your hair sparkles like the stars on a cloudless night, reaches your toes, that your eyes are viole(n)t, and that you can kick everyone's ass without breaking a nail. And if you're female... doubly so.

*Thanks to Ninjakitters for cliches # 17, 18, & 19. :)