AMoS Chapter 5-2

[eiahmon]

Title: A Moment of Stupidity Part 5: 1535 - 1568
Rating: R for language, and mentions of RAPE and M/M SLASH. Don't like, then don't read.
Disclaimer: Castlevania and its characters and situations are the sole property of Konami. I am making no money or profit off of this fanfiction and no copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: AU. What if Joachim Armster had lived through his fight with Leon Belmont? What might have been different? Well hang on, because Joachim is going to tell you all about it. From his kidnapping and forced turning to his rescue from the ruins of Walter's castle, and from Trevor's birth and to Richter's death of old age, he tells all - and blames it all on Leon while he's at it.
Section Summary – Part 5 goes from Trevor's funeral to Liron's death.

2.
For a Child

Time moved forward as it always does, and I found my days and nights strangely empty without Trevor around. It had been years since he had lived with me, but I had grown so used to having him in my life, and I wasn't sure what to do without him.

Kerwin had a suggestion. "Go sire you a child. Or better yet, go father one."

I spat my wine across the room. "What!"

He refilled my glass. "You heard me. You need a child to keep you occupied."

"A child, Kerwin?" I sputtered. "Are you out of your mind?"

"No, I'm just tired of seeing my little brother mope. It's been a year since Trevor died, Joachim. You need to move on. If giving you something to occupy your time is what is needed, then by all means. You were all set to turn Trevor if I remember correctly anyway, so why so reluctant now?"

"Because I raised Trevor. Because he was my son in all but blood. Need I go on?"

"Then go out and father a child somewhere. I'm sure there are plenty of female vampire wannabes that would all too happy to carry your child for you."

"I am NOT replacing Trevor, Kerwin!"

"I'm not asking you to. I'm just urging for you to get you a child. Except for the years you had Trevor, you've been alone since I declared you independent. Maybe a son or daughter is just what you need."

"I'm not... I don't... " I gestured helplessly, unable to voice what I was thinking. I hadn't exactly been celibate since Walter's death, but years of being raped had destroyed most of the enjoyment I could get out of sex, so I rarely pursued it.

Kerwin understood. "If you don't want to go that route, you can always turn someone, Joachim, and you don't have to turn someone against their will either. I'm sure you'll find a human, if you look enough, that you can grow to love, and who will be happy to be turned."

I looked away from him. I didn't want to look. I didn't want to find anyone. I just couldn't... do that to someone. What if they hated it? What if they wanted to end it? The grief of losing Trevor had been unbearable; the pain of losing a child with which you have a bond would be so much worse.

Kerwin reached over and patted my shoulder. "Think about it, Joachim, that's all I ask. Now finish your wine, and then we'll see if Matatias is going to harass us into playing Tree Tag with him later."

I did think about it. I was a bit lonely, truth be told, but the idea of turning someone didn't sit well with me. I knew that Kerwin was right in that there were people out there that would gleefully be turned if given the chance, but I also knew that most of them had no idea just what eternal life meant. Oh they knew that they would never grow old or die of age, but not everyone could live forever. Most vampires found themselves a close companion to help make the passage of time easier and avoided humans for that very reason.

Silvanus had Kerwin, Matatias, and myself, Ladislas had Rachim, Actose had his multiple children, even if he was cruel to many of them, and even Walter had had his various children, as well as Kerwin. Who did I have?

No one really.

Of course, I was close to Kerwin, Matatias, and Silvanus, and I was friends with Ladislas and Rachim, but I shared my house and my daily life with no one.

Maybe Kerwin didn't have such a bad idea after all, but I still didn't even know where to start looking. The logical place would be the Belmonts, but despite living on the land with them, I had distanced myself from them somewhat, and wasn't particularly close to any of them anymore, not even my own grandchildren. They would probably refuse to be turned anyway like Trevor had.

Seeing no other option, I shelved the idea and thought no more about it. Maybe sometime in the future, I could revisit it, but it didn't seem like it was a good time.

******

Five years after Trevor's death, in 1540, I was the only up and awake on the Belmont lands. The clan had long since settled into their beds, and the area was silent save for the wind blowing through the trees. Summer was rapidly giving way to fall, and the nights were starting to get a bite to them. I had hunted for the night, and I was reading for a bit before going to bed myself. Like Trevor had before them, the children of the Belmont clan loved my little library, as books were still so expensive, and my small collection of 200 or so volumes was quite large by the standards then. Many of them learned to read in my library, with coaching from me. In fact, I had told them so many stories of Trevor's time in my library that some of them were calling it "Trevor's Library", a fact which amused me and saddened me at the same time. It didn't help when one of them, a talented artist, painted a portrait of Trevor to hang above the library fireplace. It was an almost exact likeness of him, and I liked it so much that I had Silvanus cast a few spells upon it to protect it from age, wear, and tear.

A jaw cracking yawn made me realize that it was getting late, so I put my book aside and put out the lamp with a wave of my hand. I stood up from my chair, stretched, and glanced over at the portrait of Trevor, as I always did.

"Goodnight, Trevor." I said quietly, and I started to walk out of the room, when the feel of someone crossing my northern territory border made me freeze in place. Not long after, the presence vanished, like it had years before, but I felt compelled to investigate. It might be Actose wanting to see if I was on my guard, after all. I ran out of the house and morphed into a wolf as soon as I cleared the front door. I then streaked across my territory as fast as my legs could carry me.

As I neared the place where I had felt the intrusion, I sensed a hated presence, but with him was another vampiric presence, smaller and so much weaker. They weren't on my territory, but they were close. Within a few minutes I was where they had intruded onto my land, and just across the path, on Actose's land, was the vampire himself, kneeling on the ground with his back to me and a pair of skeletal legs on either side of him. I knew immediately what he was doing to the other, and I felt my lip curl up into a silent snarl.

For obvious reasons, I hate masters that abuse their children.

He didn't seem to notice me as I approached, though I stopped just inside my border to listen to him as he ranted at the obviously sick child under him.

"I thought you had given up on this." he said, ignoring the soft cries of the child as he fucked him into the ground. "I don't know why you even try. Walter's little bitch isn't going to rescue you. You belong to me until I say otherwise, and I don't plan on letting you go any time soon." There was a hard thrust that made the child scream weakly, and I had to suppress an angry growl. If my suspicions were correct, I needed to let Actose talk enough to confirm them, which he wouldn't if he knew I was there. "I wanted you because I could never get my hands on him, but you have been a sad, sad disappointment, running away at every opportunity, trying to get into his territory so he can rescue you." Those last two words came out as a sneer. "Joachim Armster isn't going to save you, child. He is only interested in humans, so it would be best, for you that is, that you never drag me out here to drag you off of his territory again. The results will be... unpleasant if you do." There was another hard thrust, another scream, and I had heard more than enough. I reached out to Kerwin to let him know what was going on in case I needed him to back me up, and I could feel his presence at the back of my mind, watching everything.

I strode forward into the path as Actose slapped the child. "Stop crying, you little bitch! Crying will change nothing! It won't make your savior appear!"

"Oh, I wouldn't say that." I said lazily, and Actose whipped around to stare at me in surprise. After a brief moment, his surprise melted away to that smug look he always wore.

"What a pleasant surprise." he said, though it was clear it was anything but. "What brings you out here this lovely night?"

"Oh nothing serious, just a territory invasion that needed checking out. I see that you found the culprit before I did."

"Indeed. I was just about to take him home and discipline for it." He stood up and turned to face me, still erect, and I could clearly see blood. "Shall we consider this matter done? I assure you, it won't happen again."

Any other time, I would have been glad to see Actose leave, but I could clearly see the starving child lying still on the ground behind him, bloody, battered, and too weak to cry anymore. It was male, that was all I could see, but that quick glance was enough to make up my mind.

Damn you, Kerwin Bernhard. I sent, and I felt the mental equivalent of s smug grin from him.

"I think not," I said, and Actose frowned at me. "You see, by your own admission, you and your child have invaded my territory multiple times." I folded my arms over my chest. "I demand compensation."

"We can call it even for the time you invaded my territory all those years ago." Actose snarled, apparently not happy with the corner that he had neatly backed himself into.

"You and Walter reached an accord about that not long after, so I owe you nothing. You on the other hand, owe me plenty for the sixteen different intrusions onto my territory."

"I'm not giving you anything!"

"Then I suppose I shall have to take this up with Lords Asenti and Ladislas then." I said lightly. Though a council hadn't been held in 80 years, other area vampires often went to Silvanus and Ladislas to settle disputes. Both of us knew that they would side with me on the matter.

Actose snarled at me, but then he sighed and conceded defeat. "What do you what?" he growled.

I looked past him to the child still lying on the ground. "I'll take that child behind you, and I will consider the matter closed."

That smug look reappeared on Actose's face suddenly, which made me wary. "Are you sure? Wouldn't you rather have Isaac?"

"That Forgemaster died years ago. No, that one right there will be fine."

"If you are certain?"

"Yes, now hand him over."

"Fine!" Actose snarled, and he reached down, grabbed the child by the ragged piece of cloth that he was wearing as a shirt and tossed him over to land at my feet. "Enjoy him! Maybe if his asshole heals, you can get more out of him than I ever got."

I simply raised an eyebrow. "Indeed. Now, let us be on our way, shall we?"

Actose said nothing, instead he only snarled at me one last time, and then he morphed into a wolf and ran off away from me, towards where I presume he kept his home. I waited until he had vanished from sight and his presence had receded before I knelt down to look over his – my child. Colliding with the ground after being thrown appeared to have knocked the child unconscious, so I took off my coat, wrapped him snugly in it, and then I gathered him into my arms and flew home. I felt Kerwin's presence leave my mind, with instructions to call him if the child was seriously ill beyond my ability to handle. I agreed that I would, and then focused on getting home as quickly as possible.

I landed in the grass in front of my house, and I carried the little one inside. I roused my maid and set her to drawing a warm bath, while I settled into a chair with the coat wrapped child on my lap to better look him over and feed him. Later I would turn him to me, but right now I wanted to check to see how ill he really was.

The answer was seriously ill. He was nothing but skin and bones, worse than I had been after Walter's death, and even with my heavy wool coat over him, he was shivering like he was outside in the dead of winter. His eyes were obscured by the blood leaking from them, making it impossible for him to see. His body was encrusted with dirt, dried blood and semen, and his ankle length hair was tangled into a solid, filth covered mass. It would have to be cut down to his scalp, but that could wait. I bit into my wrist and held the bleeding would to his mouth, but the child was so weak he could barely swallow, and the flow was too much for him to handle. Taking my wrist away, I healed the wound, and then did something I hadn't done since Kerwin had been burned.

Positioning him in my arms for the best angle, I tilted his head back and gave him a Blood Kiss, forcing the blood he so desperately needed down his throat. I didn't give him too much, I didn't want him to be sick. Right then, my maid came into the room and told me that the bath was ready, so I carried him into the bathroom, took my coat and the rag he was wearing for a shirt off of him, and lowered him into the water, which almost immediately began to darken with the dirt coming off of him. I cut off his hair with a knife, tossed the knotted mass aside, and focused on getting him clean.

The tub had to be emptied and refilled twice before it was done, and to my dismay, he lost about half of the blood I had given him through his eyes and ears, but most of it seeped out of his battered anus, turning the water pink. He shivered through the entire ordeal, and the stench of fear was clinging to him stronger than the stench of his unwashed body.

"It will be all right, little one." I crooned as I lifted him out of the water and wrapped him in a large towel to dry him with. "Actose will never lay his hands on you again." Now that he was clean, I could see his pale skin, whiter than even mine, and his hair, which was also white. I took a damp cloth then and wiped away the fresh blood that had seeped over his eyes during the bath, and our eyes met for the first time.

I gasped; I knew him. Even though his face was sunken in from starvation, and his hair was cropped close to his scalp, I still recognized those pale blue eyes.

"Hector?" I said in surprise, to which he whimpered in fright and fainted.

******

Hector was sleeping.

I sat in the chair beside the bed, watching him. After I had gotten over my shock from recognizing him, I had willed his faint into sleep and turned him to me. Normally, after such a thing, he would have only been out for a few hours at most, but with his poor condition, I expected him to be asleep for far longer, perhaps a day or so.

After I had willed him to sleep and turned him, I had dressed him for bed in one of my spare sleeping gowns. I had a large pad on the pillow to catch the blood leaking from his eyes, ears, nose, and mouth, but the bleeding from his nether regions was so heavy that I had been forced to use a large piece of linen, folded into a thick rectangle and held in place between his legs and around his waist with hastily sewn on buttons. I didn't know how well it would work, but it would have to do for the moment.

How had Actose gotten his hands on him? Hector had last lived miles from Actose's territory. Had Hector wandered into it and gotten captured. Or, and this made me feel a bit queasy, had Actose sought him out? Actose had said he had wanted Hector because he couldn't get a hold of me. Maybe it was because Hector and I do resemble each other to some degree. I could easily see Actose doing that too.

I sighed as thirst tickled the back of my throat. No matter, Hector was now safe with me, and I had too much to do in taking care of him to worry about Actose's motivations. I had a very sick child to look after, so I needed to go hunt before he woke, so I would be able to feed him again then. Our sire/child bond hadn't formed yet, so I had to settle for gently running my hand over his short hair and whispering to him that I would be right back, before I left the house to hunt.

I made sure to gorge myself by drinking far more than I normally did. Hector would no doubt need to feed far more often that the normal once a night, so I needed to be able to provide for him. Maybe I ought to ask Kerwin for advice. He had taken care of me while I was in a similar state after all. With that thought, I reached out to Kerwin again and asked him to come by as soon as he could. He responded that he would, so I returned home and resumed my wait at Hector's side.

The sun was rising as I walked back into the house, and the Belmonts were stirring, with a few of the children already running around. They called out to me when they saw me, but I only waved to them and said nothing. I needed them to stay away until Hector settled in, so I made a quick detour to the main house to speak with Liron.

He was shocked and horrified to hear about Hector's condition – Trevor had made certain that Hector's heroics were well known in the family – and he promised to speak to the clan and let them know to keep their distance for Hector's sake while he recovered. I thanked him and then quickly scurried back to my house.

Hector hadn't stirred, and there was no flicker from a bond yet, but I had barely sat down beside the bed when I felt not only Kerwin, but Silvanus as well, crossing my borders and moving quickly in my direction. I called to the maid to let her know to put out breakfast for three, and then I returned my attention to Hector while I waited.

Breakfast was being laid out on the table when Silvanus and Kerwin arrived, so I invited them in and took them in to see Hector, who was still out. Silvanus looked horrified at the state he was in, while Kerwin growled something under his breath about Actose that I was sure was in no way pleasant. We then left the bedroom and settled around the table to eat.

"How long has Actose had him?" Kerwin asked.

"I do not know." I replied. "I didn't ask, but Hector vanished from the home he had been living in only a few months after he defeated Dracula."

"So the worst case is that Actose grabbed him then," Silvanus added "sixty-nine years ago. I sincerely hope that that is not the case here." Kerwin shook his head, and I looked back and forth between them, because they clearly knew something that I did not.

"What do you mean?" I asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"Joachim," Silvanus said carefully, "You were about two centuries when Walter left you to starve. You starved for another century, and it took you two years to recover, roughly."

"The older you are," Kerwin added, "the better you can handle being starved, but if starving did that much damage to you at that age, imagine what it could have done to someone younger."

I shivered. "Are you saying that...?"

"If, and mind you we don't know how old Hector is exactly." Silvanus continued. "But if he was turned right after he disappeared, and his condition now is indicative of how he was treated since, then the damage we're seeing now..."

"Could be permanent." Kerwin finished the sentence.

I felt sick. "No, don't tell me that."

"It is just a possibility. We won't know everything until Hector is able to tell us -"

"Though if he's anything like you, he'll never want to speak of it." Kerwin interjected with a weak smile.

Silvanus nodded. "Quite, but to return to the point, he may have been better taken care of than we think. This... abuse could be recent."

"But you don't think it is." I said quietly.

"No," Silvanus said just as quietly, "and starving the newly turned is always dangerous. You can kill them very easy by it when they're that young. I assume you already turned him to you?"

I nodded. "I have."

"How long ago?"

"Just after midnight."

Kerwin frowned, and he and Silvanus looked at each other for a moment.

"Has the bond formed?" Kerwin asked, and I shook my head in the negative.

"I suppose since he's so weak, then him still being unconscious with no bond is to be expected." Silvanus said. "But it could so be an indicator of how severe the damage is. How much is he bleeding?"

I sighed. "A great deal. I estimate that he's losing at least half of what I give him."

"How many times have you fed him?" Kerwin asked.

"Three times." I replied with another heavy sigh. "Once when I brought him home, a second time when I turned him, and a third time shortly afterward."

Kerwin appeared relieved. "Good, get used to feeding him that often. He's going to need it."

"So you're saying that he could be like that -" I jerked my thumb in the direction of the bedroom "-for as long as he lives?"

"Maybe not that bad, but yes." Silvanus said gently. "Rachim was like that at one time, but he is much stronger now, even if he is far weaker than he should be at his age. Over time, Hector may grow stronger, but we won't now how much until later. Right now, you just have to coax him past this stage, and then we can go from there."

"But there is a chance, though." I said, feeling sick again. "There is a chance, that he could be like this for the rest of his life."

"Yes," Kerwin said quietly, "there is."

******

Silvanus and Kerwin departed not long afterward, leaving me slumped in the chair in worried shock. The mere idea of Hector being so weak for as long as he lived... I sighed and wiped my hand down my face. I would always take care of him of course, but still...

I was never more relieved in my life to feel a flickering sire/child bond.

I returned to the darkened bedroom to see Hector stirring. His fingers were curling weakly, as if he was trying to grasp on to something, so I gently grasped his hand in my own while I sent feelings of comfort and safety down the bond to him. He whimpered as I knelt down on the floor beside the bed to watch him, and I gently ran my thumb across the back of his cold hand. He whimpered again, and I suddenly wanted to go hunt Actose down and murder him in the most painful way possible for what he had done. Or maybe I could set the Belmonts on him! Oooh, the possibilities. No wait, there was no telling how many children Actose had, and I didn't want anything to happen to Liron and the others. Damn, I would have to find another way to get him...

Fear filled the bond between us, Hector cried out softly, and I pushed my hatred for Actose aside. I had gotten Hector away from him; that was the important thing.

"Hector," I called softly, wanting to wake him, but not wanting to frighten him. I sent feelings of care and concern down the bond to him while I gently ran my hand over what was left of his hair. "Hector, it's time to wake up, little one." He let out a low moan, and I imagined that being woken up by Actose was every bit as unpleasant for him as it had been for me whenever Walter woke me up. "It is all right now, child. You're safe with me."

Blood had dried over his eyes again, so I gently wiped it away, which prompted him to peep them open and look at me. I smiled gently at him. "Good morning, Hector." He looked at me for a moment, and I felt his confusion over what had happened and where he was. "I claimed you as mine after you came onto my territory, do you remember?"

He let out a distressed whine and closed his eyes as the thirst began to claw at him again. "Let's get you fed then, shall we?" I reached out, enfolded him in my arms, and scooted him over to me. I then gave him a Blood Kiss like I had during the night. He whined in distress again when I backed away; he was still very thirsty. "In a moment, little one. Let's make sure that you're not going to be sick, and then you may have more."

Hector let out a small sob, too weak to cry any louder, and my heart ached for him. "It will get better, Hector, I promise it will." I told him softly. "I know that you're tired, thirsty and scared, but believe me when I say that I will never hurt you, and I will never make you go without. I will take care of you, little one, always." I squeezed his hand. "Now, I'm sure that you're still thirsty, yes?"

I fed him again and stayed by him as he fell into a natural sleep afterward. I then sighed and sat back; this was going to be difficult.

******

I didn't move from Hector's side over the course of the day, though I doubt that he was aware of my presence. By midday the pad under his head as well as the one buttoned around his waist had soaked through and had to be changed out. By then he needed to be fed again, and by the time the sun set, I was very thirsty myself. After ensuring that Hector was once again asleep, I went off to hunt.

When I returned an hour later, Hector was still sleeping, but I could hear him crying softly before I even stepped inside. I hurried in to check on him and found him curled up on his right side, crying into the pillow. I sent calming feelings down the bond as I carefully wrapped him in a blanket and scooped him up into my arms. I then settled into the chair and held him on my lap and tried to quiet him.

He didn't wake at all, and I was certain that he wasn't dreaming, but of course I knew that wasn't the problem. After what he had been through, nightmares weren't necessarily a prerequisite to tears. To my surprise though, instead of being frightened by the touch, like I would have been, he curled close to me, and I felt flickers of his desperate need to feel safe and protected.

"I'm here, Hector." I whispered as I cradled him. "I'm here." I thought about waking him before I decided that sending him into a deeper sleep was the better idea. He needed all the rest he could get, and disturbing him would only upset him further. "It's all right now, little one. He's never going to touch you again."

Hector quieted after a few minutes, but I didn't put him back to bed right away. I held him in my arms, rocking him gently, thinking. He was actually a little taller than me, but he looked so small then, curled up in my arms, shivering. I leaned down and touched my face to his cold forehead and closed my eyes, remembering what it felt like to be so miserable and afraid.

"Let's get you back to bed, little one, hmm? I'm sure you'll sleep much better there." I said after a moment as I stood up from the chair. I laid him down, but when I went to move away from the bed, I felt a weak tug on my shirt. I looked down to find that he was trying to hold onto me with what little strength he possessed. I sighed and gently pulled his hand away and laid it down next him before I pulled the blankets over him. He whimpered quietly as he settled down, and the bond between us narrowed down to nearly nothing as he fell asleep.

******

Hector spent the next several days doing little more than sleeping and feeding. I had to feed him every six hours or so for the first few weeks, but he always bled about half of it right back out. I barely moved from his side, leaving only to hunt, but I was running into a problem. We try to avoid killing our victims, so to not start a panic, but even with feeding from multiple people, I was running out of people. Hector demanded so much blood that he was exceeding what my territory could supply. I flatly refused, of course, to feed from the Belmonts. Silvanus and Kerwin solved the problem for me by giving me permission to hunt on their respective territories, but it still required long travel times, as way as daytime travel, to keep Hector fed.

"Will it always be like this?" I asked Silvanus when he came for a visit one month after I had taken Hector as my own. "I spend the entire day and most of the night running around hunting, and then I come back here long enough to feed, bathe, and change him, and then I'm back out again, hunting for his next meal. Will it go on like this forever?"

Silvanus laid his hand on my shoulder. "Most likely, no. Right now his body is struggling to heal what damage it can while it can, which is why he needs so much. Once that is done, and he has healed as much as possible, you can expect the bleeding to decrease and his thirst to decrease along with it."

I sighed and allowed myself to slump forward a bit. "I'm just so tired, Silvanus. I can never sit still, not even for a moment. Kerwin didn't have to feed me this much, did he?"

"No, though it was close. You were much older than Hector is though, so starving did not do as much damage to you." He squeezed my shoulder in support. "Hector will get stronger, child. It will just take time."

"How much time?"

"I don't know. Depending on the damage done, you should start seeing an improvement within two to six months. Full recovery could take years."

"I don't know if I can keep going that long. How did Kerwin do this? How does Ladislas get through his days?"

"Because Ladislas loves Rachim. Because Kerwin loves you. That is how. When you love your child, you'll do anything for them."

"But I don't love Hector." It sounded cold, but it was true. I had no feelings for Hector outside of pity.

"Of course you don't, at least not yet. You chose him to keep Actose in line, not because you wanted to have a child of your own. Just give it some time. You may come to love him or you may not, but either way, you've greatly improved his life. He has a safe, warm place to sleep, clean clothes, and regular feedings. That is all he needs right now. The rest can wait until later."

Silvanus departed for his own home then, but I remained where I was for a moment. I didn't regret rescuing Hector, but I already missed the life I had had before his arrival. With Hector being so ill, and likely remaining at least partially so for the rest of his life, it was doubtful that I would ever be able to go back to it either.

A widening of the bond then told me that Hector was waking up, so I sighed and shoved my irritation aside. He couldn't help the state he was in; blaming him would do nothing but upset and frighten him. I wandered into the bedroom to find him stirring, and as usual, I had to wipe away dried blood that had crusted over his eyes, which prompted him to look at me. His mouth opened slightly, and I wondered for a moment if he was going to speak for the first time since I had brought him home, but instead, I saw the blood in his mouth to late to avoid it.

He was violently sick then, which splashed both of us, the bed, the floor, and the chair with the blood that I had just fed him less than an hour before. I was silent for a moment afterward; I hadn't seen that coming at all, but my silence frightened Hector, and he began to cry. His voice shook me out of my shock, and I quickly shucked my bloodied outer clothing before I began to undress him. I felt a surge of terror and an anticipation of pain from him, and I whispered soothingly to him for a moment before I scooped him out of bed and into my arms. I then carried him out of the room so the maid could clean up and so I could give him a quick bath and redress him.

Once that was done, I wrapped him in the blanket that I kept draped over the back of my favored chair and sat down while holding him on my lap. He was still crying, soft sobs and little hiccups, as I rocked him, but after a moment, I realized that he was trying to speak. I leaned down to better hear him, and his cries finally became recognizable as words.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." he babbled through his tears.

I tucked the blanket around him and held him closer. "You couldn't help it, little one. I'm not angry."

He nested his head against my shoulder. "I don't want to be hurt anymore." he whimpered.

He thought I was going to hurt him? I used a handkerchief to clear his eyes again. "No one is going to hurt you anymore, Hector. You are safe."

"But you don't want me." He looked at me, and his eyes were pleading with me, for safety, for comfort, and for things that I couldn't give him. I could feel his desperation through the bond, with an undercurrent of fear, and I sighed.

"What I want is not important right now." I said. "What is important is keeping you safe so you can get better. No one will hurt you; I won't allow it."

Hector closed his eyes and turned his head to hide his face against my shoulder. Just then the maid came into the room to tell the bedroom was ready, so I stood up and carried him there. I fed him and then tucked him into bed, but when I went to leave the room, he called out to me.

"Stay?" he whispered uncertainly, looking at me uneasily.

I repressed another sigh. No, I didn't want to stay. I wanted to go hunt, and then I wanted to actually have a moment to relax, but I couldn't ignore that plea.

"All right," I told him, "Just this once."

He gave me a feeble smile and reached out to me with shaking arms. I kicked my boots off and laid down beside him, on top of the blanket. I felt the fear from him quiet some then, and I reached over and tucked the blanket around his shoulders. "Go to sleep, Hector."

He gave me another tiny smile and closed his eyes, and a few minutes later the bond narrowed as he fell asleep. I sighed quietly and went to get up, but as soon as I moved, Hector whimpered in his sleep, and he began to wake. I settled back down, and so did he.

Well, it looked like I wasn't going anywhere for a while.

"What am I going to do with you, child?" I said quietly as I gently ran my hand down his hair, which was slowly growing back out. He leaned into the touch, even in sleep, and I felt brief flickers of the need to be close to someone. Giving it up, I reached out and tugged him close to me, which prompted him to snuggle close and tuck his head under my chin. He then went completely still – breathing required energy that he didn't have, so he simply didn't do it unless needed – and the bond settled down into a contented hum.

I smiled slightly, remembering the times that Kerwin had held me in his arms after Walter's death and how safe I had felt then. The least I could do was do the same for Hector. I wrapped my arms around him and tried to get comfortable. I mentally summoned the blanket I had wrapped him in earlier and used it to cover myself against the growing chill in the house. I then closed my own eyes and fell asleep, finally able to relax for the first time in weeks, holding my child in my arms.

Chapter 5-1 -- Chapter 5-3
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