The Price: Regret

[eiahmon]

Title: The Price
Rating: R for the mansex even if it's not graphic.
Disclaimer: Disney and Square Enix own it all, though I wouldn't mind “renting” Xehanort for a while. He's just so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute – even when he's summoning his keyblade and yanking out hearts with it.
Summary: This is the direct follow up to Rejection, in which Ansem realizes how badly he screwed up.

Regret

Ansem stared into the amber liquid in the glass. His reflection stared back at him, and he could clearly see the emotion in his eyes, though he didn't need a mirror to tell him what it was.

Guilt.

The lord of Radiant Garden groaned and downed the whiskey in one gulp, but he knew that all the alcohol in the world wouldn't be enough to erase what he had done. The guilt at his words and actions clawed at him, tore at his heart, leaving him a shallow wreck of his former self. How could he have been so blind? How could he have destroyed everything without even realizing that he had been doing it?

It had been a simple thing to him then. He had known Braig since the marksman had been a child; Xehanort was the memoryless foundling that he had taken in two years previous. Braig had always been an honest young man, never getting into trouble and well liked by everyone, while Xehanort had been found, beaten nearly to death, showing that someone had been willing to kill him for whatever reason. Ansem had tried to ignore that last fact during the long months of Xehanort's recovery as he helped care of the boy, but it was always there in the back of his mind. If someone had been willing to kill him, was it was because he had done something to deserve his fate? It hadn't helped that they had found a set of armor and a weapon nearby which obviously did not belong to him. Did that mean he had destroyed his attacker before collapsing?

No one had known, but all of those questions had come to the forefront the morning after he had found Xehanort and Braig in bed together. The evidence pointed to a clear case of rape, with Braig as the rapist and Xehanort as the victim, but then Dilan had told him that Braig had insisted that Xehanort had been willing then entire time. Xehanort had admitted he had been, and well, Ansem had heard the phrase about the red mist descending, but it was the first time he had experienced it for himself.

His face flushed with shame as he recalled the cruel words he had spoken to Xehanort as the younger man had laid in his hospital bed.

You whore! How dare you try to blame Braig for your own promiscuity! You deserved what happened to you last night!

He'd seen the look of anguish in Xehanort's tear filled brown eyes then, but he had ignored it as his anger burned hot and fierce. He had also ignored his surrogate son's heartbroken cries as he stalked out of the infirmary. It had made perfect sense to him then; Xehanort had been the one taking advantage of Braig, and upon being caught, had cried rape to save his own skin. Ansem had ignored all the signs that pointed to Xehanort being the victim; the bruises, the scarring, the fissures, all the signs that he had been subject to frequent, often violent, sex. Xehanort's change in personality from a confident, intelligent young man to a timid shadow had once filled him with concern, but only until Xehanort's confession in the infirmary. Then none of the evidence had mattered as he leapt to Braig's defense.

Thankfully, Even had the sense to think for himself. His Senior Apprentice had taken Xehanort in and given the younger man the care and protection that Ansem had refused to give him. Dilan, Aeleus, and Ienzo had also joined him. Ansem knew that his apprentices were intelligent, frightfully so, yet he had refused to entertain the thought that any of them had rallied around Xehanort for a reason. No, it was simply because Xehanort had them all fooled, and they believed his lies.

Ansem poured himself another glass and downed that one was well. It was his fault that they were gone. He had done nothing to help them.

He had not given Xehanort a chance to explain.

He had not believed Even and the others when they had insisted that Xehanort was the victim.

He had not quelled the rumors that had been circulating around town.

He had not done anything to stop the hostility of the townspeople.

He had not protected his children.

He had failed them all.

He had failed Even, his oldest apprentice, a boy that he loved as a son. The child that he had taken in had grown into a fine young man, and Ansem had been so proud of him, but that love and pride had vanished like mist in the rising sun after Even sided with Xehanort. He had refused to listen to Even's reasons, insulting the boy's intelligence in doing so, and had made things as difficult as possible for him. He had also done nothing when rumors began circulating that Even was bedding Xehanort; something that he should have stopped immediately. Instead he had allowed the rumors to persist until Even had felt unwelcome in the castle that had been his home since the age of twelve.

He had also failed Dilan, Aeleus, and Ienzo. He had treated them like he did Even, and he had shown Ienzo just how cruel he could be. Even had been raising the child, but Ienzo still treated Ansem like a grandfather, and he had thrown the child's love back in his face.

He had failed even Braig, who was now confined to his room permanently. Instead of punishing the boy for what he had done to Xehanort, he had ordered his release, which allowed the marksman to eventually target a seventeen year old girl from town. He had tried to rape the teenager, but her screams had alerted her father and brother before anything could happen. The two had beaten Braig nearly to death, and the boy had been only barely able to drag himself back to the castle, where he had collapsed. The doctors said that he had suffered severe head trauma during the beating, and it had done serious damage. Braig was confined to his rooms, because, even after all that he had done, Ansem couldn't bring himself to imprison someone that needed a nurse to feed, bathe, clean, and clothe him. It was unlikely that Braig would ever recover.

Worst of all, he had failed Xehanort, the lost young man that he had taken in and given a home. He remembered well Xehanort's desperate longing to have a family that loved him and a home to call his own. He had given Xehanort those things, and then done his best to destroy them. It wasn't until the boy had fled that he had realized that Xehanort was still in many ways a child, a lost, lonely child, looking for someone to protect him from the monster that had hurt him. He had looked to Ansem to be that protector, and Ansem had only cut him with cruel words and shoved him away. If it hadn't been for Even's willingness to step into the role...

Ansem shuddered and downed another glass. If Even hadn't been there, there is no telling what might have happened to Xehanort. Whatever happened, it likely would not have ended well for his newest apprentice. The morning after the five had fled, he'd found the blood in his office, Xehanort's blood, he'd found out later, and he had been told in no uncertain terms by the infirmary staff that Xehanort had come precariously close to dying with that kind of blood loss. Not long after, King Mickey had arrived and he had proceeded to tear Ansem apart with words. Because of Ansem's own bullheaded refusal to listen to what five of his apprentices were telling him, Braig had nearly raped Xehanort to death on the desk. He had described in graphic detail the scene he had encountered in the office: Xehanort pinned to the desk, his agonized screams, his pleas for help, the blood, and how his legs had feebly kicked as Braig brutally took him. He had described how Aeleus had knocked Braig unconscious, how Even had sat down on the desk and gathered a battered, beaten, and bloody Xehanort into his arms and cradled him on his lap, and how only Mickey's own healing spell had prevented Xehanort from bleeding to death. He also related just how long it had taken Even's comforting arms and soothing words to bring Xehanort out of his hysterics long enough for Aeleus to carry him out of the castle.

And yes, Mickey stated, it was he that had helped them escape, and no, he wasn't going to tell Ansem where to find them. Xehanort, Even, Dilan, Aeleus, and Ienzo were gone and forever out of his reach.

Ansem went to pour himself another glass, but he discovered to his dismay that the bottle was empty. Dragging himself from his chair, he went over to the liquor cabinet to get a new bottle and paused. The doors to the cabinet were mirrored glass, and the reflection looking back at him showed him the final proof of his failure.

He had been so pleased and proud when thirteen year old Even first displayed ice magic, and he had watched as the boy slowly developed his talent over the years. Never had Even used it on a person, not until the night they had fled. Even's powerful magic had left him with such severe frostbite on his face that the doctor had no choice but to cut large chunks of his skin that had been killed by the cold away. She had then done a skin graft, but so much healthy tissue had been lost that his face had been left pitted and sunken in in places, permanent reminders of his failure to protect his children.

"Lord Ansem?"

Ansem turned around to see one of the servants he had hired to care for Braig standing in the doorway. "I'm sorry to disturb you, my lord, but Braig is upset again."

Ansem turned back to the mirror and nodded. "I will be there shortly. Do your best to quiet him until then."

Braig's losses had left him frequently frustrated and upset, rather like a toddler that was angry at its own limitations. His frustration sometimes erupted into tantrums, which only upset him more as they showed just how limited his control over his own body was. When these tantrums erupted, only Ansem could quiet him; anyone else would get clawed or bitten.

The servant stepped out to go tend to Braig as best she could, and Ansem reached into the cabinet to get another bottle of whiskey. His hand touched the cool glass, and he paused, and then he let go of it. No, he wouldn't have any more alcohol tonight. Braig needed him more than the bottle did. Sitting his glass down on the counter, Ansem turned and followed the servant out of the room and down the short distance to Braig's new room.

A few minutes later, as he sat on Braig's bed in his darkened room and held and soothed the still sniffling, pajama clad boy in his arms, he did his best to push thoughts of Xehanort and the others out of his mind. Like Mickey had told him, they were forever out of his reach, taking with them any chances of an apology, even though he knew no words could make up for his actions. Instead he had to settle for caring for the only child he had left.

Braig relaxed as he fell asleep, and Ansem carefully laid him down and tucked him under his blankets. He had failed them all: Xehanort, Even, Dilan, Aeleus, Ienzo, and Braig, and they had all paid the price for his failure. As he smoothed Braig's dark hair (Which had been cut short to make it easier to care for.) back from his forehead, he made a silent promise to them, to himself. Tomorrow, he would address the people and tell them the truth about what had happened. It was the least he could do for Xehanort and Even, for the ones that he had hurt the most.

He would not fail them again.


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