The Price: Reason Part 1

[eiahmon]

Title: The Price
Rating: R for the mansex even if it's not graphic.
Disclaimer: Disney and Square Enix own it all, though I wouldn't mind “renting” Xehanort for a while. He's just so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute – even when he's summoning his keyblade and yanking out hearts with it.
Summary: This is an alternate ending to Despair, in which Ansem saves Xehanort as he's falling into the Rising Falls. *waves Angst Mallet in warning*
A/N: I realized while writing this that I had inadvertently dropped Even in the role of Xehanort's mother figure. Weird.
A/N 2: Merry X-mas, Lita! XD

 

Reason

Ansem couldn't sleep.

He tossed and turned in his bed, unable to get comfortable, unable to relax. He restlessly rolled over onto his right side, but sleep still wouldn't come. His bed was comfortable, his body was tired, but his mind refused to settle down. It was just like that one night...

… the night he had found Xehanort and Braig in bed together.

Ansem growled angrily and flopped over onto his left side. Lately, thinking of Xehanort only seemed to fill him with rage, and that was the last thing he needed while trying to sleep. Hmm, maybe he should just throw the boy out; the lords knew that he had caused so much trouble lately, surely a punishment was merited?

But where would Xehanort go? Who could he turn to? No one in Radiant Garden had recognized him, so it was safe to say that once out of the castle, he would be homeless, and without a family. Ansem had adopted Xehanort once it had become clear that he had no one else, though the boy's actions of late had made him wonder if he had made a mistake in that regard.

Ansem growled again and tried to banish any thoughts of Xehanort. He needed to sleep. There was a new business opening in town in the morning, and he was expected there for the ribbon cutting early on. He didn't have time to be worrying about the whore his apprentice/son had turned into. Xehanort's troubles were no one's fault but his own.

But... it takes two to have sex, and Braig had said nothing about being forced. Come to think of it, Braig had sounded as though he had enjoyed every second of it, and he was more than old enough to know what he was getting into. Xehanort on the other hand...

"...is a whore." Ansem said angrily to the dark, silent room. "Xehanort deserves everything he gets from this."

Yet, he couldn't deny that he'd felt a flicker of alarm earlier as Xehanort had just lain on his floor, half naked, still, and silent as Ansem had upbraided him for his behavior. He'd made no protest, made no attempt to change Ansem's mind. He had just lain there on the floor and taken the reprimand without so much as a whimper. And seeing as how Xehanort had always been quick to cry when upset or frightened before, his silence had spoken volumes about his mental state.

Volumes that Ansem had blatantly ignored.

"Fine," he snarled as he threw his blankets back and stood up "I'll go check on him." He tossed his robe over his pajamas, slipped his slippers on his feet and strode angrily out of the room.

It was a quick walk to the apprentice apartments, and as he neared the hall he saw a ghostly figure walk slowly out of it, turn the corner, and walk away in the opposite direction. The dimmed corridor lights allowed him to easily see who it was.

It was Xehanort, and Ansem noted for the first time his tangled hair, his rumpled clothes, and how his lab coat seemed to hang off of him like a sack, even though it had been tailored to fit him perfectly. He plodded slowly away, as if he had to force himself to keep moving forward, and Ansem decided to follow, curious as to where he was going. As he did so, he absently noted the blood on the back of Xehanort's lab coat, and he wondered where it had come from.

Xehanort walked silently out of the castle and into the town, and the entire way, Ansem quietly followed a few dozen steps behind. He couldn't begin to fathom where the boy was going, but he noticed that the further they moved on, the slower Xehanort moved, and the harder it seemed to be for him to keep going. At one point, he stumbled and fell, and Ansem realized that the soft, quiet cry that escaped him was the first sound he had heard from him in several days. For someone that had always been full of questions asked and answers sought, the silence was yet another alarming sign that something was seriously wrong.

Xehanort struggled to his feet, barely able to stand it seemed, and Ansem decided enough was enough and went to get him, but an angry voice interrupted him.

"Get out of here, you whore! We don't want your kind around here!"

A rock came sailing from a nearby house, and it struck Xehanort between his shoulders, which knocked him back down to the cobblestone street. A quick look to the left showed the house's resident, standing on the porch and preparing to throw a second, larger rock, and Ansem was torn for a second. Should he go to Xehanort, get him to his feet, and lead him back to the castle, or should he prevent the second rock from being thrown? If it struck Xehanort in the wrong spot, with him being so frail, it could do serious damage. If he went to him, he may not get to him in time for the resident to see him.

Decision made, he marched up to the angry man on the porch as Xehanort managed to regain his feet and began to shuffle away. "What are you doing?" he hissed furiously at the man, who turned as white as a sheet when he saw who was standing in front of him.

The man hastily dropped the rock. "I was just driving that whore off, Your Lordship." he said respectfully "No one wants him around after what he did to Braig."

"And what makes you think that I would permit this abuse of my son?" Ansem ignored the voice in the back of his mind that informed him that he was just as guilty as everyone else.

The man stared at him wordlessly for a moment. "Because, my lord, everyone knows what he did, and everyone knows that you were angry at him, so we assumed -"

"That it was alright to hurl rocks at him and insult him?"

"But, my lord -!"

Ansem slashed his hand downward. "Enough! Leave Xehanort alone! No one it to harass or harm him; do I make myself clear?"

"Y... y.. yes, my lord."

"Now go inside."

The man practically ran inside his house, and Ansem turned back around to see that Xehanort had disappeared. He ran back out into the street and looked around for a flash of white hair or a flap of a lab coat disappearing around a corner, but he saw nothing.

"Xehanort!" he called "Xehanort, answer me!" There was no answer, though he noted a few other people coming out of their houses to investigate the voices they had heard. "Xehanort!" Worry overtook his curiosity as his walk turned into a run. Xehanort was in obviously poor physical condition, and he needed urgent care, but it Ansem didn't find him soon, there was no way to know what would happen to him. "Xehanort!"

He ran down the darkened street, and at some point, he became aware of the sound of falling water. A look around soon spotted the hatch that down to the Rising Falls. The Falls were closed off from the public, and the square had been built over them, but someone had left that hatch open. A terrible idea occurred to him then, and he hastily ran through the hatch and down the steps.

Ahead of him, just barely visible in the dim light, was Xehanort, standing on the ledge that overlooked the falls with his back to Ansem. His hair and clothes were blowing slightly in the breeze from the moving water, and suddenly Ansem knew with a horrified certainty what he was planning to do. He yelled out his name again, but the sound was lost in the roar of the water. He began to run forward as he saw Xehanort take a deep breath as if he was preparing himself for what he was about to do. The short distance between them seemed to stretch out for miles as Xehanort leaned forward. Ansem tried to force his legs to move faster, but it was as though he was wading through syrup. In horrible slow motion, he saw Xehanort falling forward, and with one last desperate leap, he reached out to catch him, certain that he was too late...

… and felt his fingers close around Xehanort's bony wrist.

Ansem felt himself being dragged forward and down by Xehanort's weight, and for one terrifying moment, he thought for certain that they were both going to go over, but then came the feeling of his body landing on the ledge. The impact knocked the breath from him, but he managed to keep his hold on Xehanort, and he looked over to see Xehanort dangling from his hand over the yawning chasm. Xehanort was looking up at him with a lost look on his face, and only then did Ansem see how his cheeks were sunk in and how his eyes were ringed with shadows. Xehanort said something then, but the roaring water carried the words away before they could reach Ansem's ears.

"Give me your other hand, Xehanort." Ansem said, but if Xehanort heard him, he made no move to comply. He simply hung from Ansem's grip, looking up at him with that lost expression. Tightening his grip, Ansem began to scoot away from the edge, to try and pull Xehanort up, but though he had lost a significant amount of weight, he was still very heavy, too heavy for Ansem to pull him up with the grip that he had.

Worse, he could feel that grip slipping.

"Xehanort, please, give me your other hand!" He couldn't lose Xehanort, despite everything he still loved the boy, and he wasn't going to just let him die this way. "Xehanort, please!"

Xehanort just stared up at him as he slipped ever closer to the water below, and Ansem felt tears burn in his eyes when he realized just how desperately Xehanort wanted to die. "I'm not going to let go. I'm not going to lose you this way. Give me your hand!" Xehanort shook his head ever so slightly as Ansem's grip slipped another notch, and he could just picture Xehanort falling into the water below, and he wondered; would he struggle against the current that pulled him towards the vortex? Would he fight it? Or would he passively allow himself to be dragged into it? Would he scream as he was torn apart? Ansem didn't want to to think of watching helplessly as his adopted son died, but as his grip slipped still further, it appeared as though that that was exactly what was going to happen. "Please, give me your other hand! Please, Xehanort, I love you!"

He saw Xehanort's chin tremble, and then suddenly there was a second hand holding onto him, and Ansem sobbed with relief as he began inching away from the edge. Xehanort was still very heavy, but somehow he pulled him up to the ledge where he was able to grab him under the arms and drag him the rest of the way up.

Ansem collapsed to the ground a few feet from the edge with Xehanort on his lap, and he wrapped his arms tightly around him and rocked him for a moment, weak with relief that Xehanort was alive and safe with him and away from the water. Xehanort curled up into a tight ball and hid his face against Ansem's shoulder, and Ansem kissed him on the top of his head and stroked his damp, tangled hair and cried with the realization that Xehanort was not going to die in the falls, that he had him in his arms, and that he was safe.

After a moment, Xehanort looked up at him. "You should have let me go, Master Ansem." he said in a tiny voice that could barely be heard. "You should have let me go."

He held Xehanort tighter. "Nothing could have made me do that, Xehanort. Nothing in the world could have made me let you fall."

Xehanort said nothing and hid his face again, and the two sat quietly for a few minutes before the sounds of voices fell on their ears. Xehanort whimpered softly, and Ansem rocked him as several people, led by Braig, Aeleus, and Dilan, came down the steps to join them. Aeleus and Dilan, Ansem was quick to notice, look concerned, while many of the others looked puzzled. Braig, on the other hand, merely looked... annoyed?

Ansem frowned at Braig offered to take Xehanort, and that frown only deepened when Xehanort whimpered at his touch. "Thank you Braig, but no, I think it's best if Aeleus carries him." Rage flashed into being for a second on Braig's face, and Xehanort whimpered again as Aeleus gently scooped him up into his arms. Ansem gestured for Dilan to go up the stairs first and instructed the others to group around Aeleus and Xehanort, to try and shield him from prying eyes as much as possible. Everyone nodded in understanding, even Braig, though he looked positively murderous about something. Ansem frowned again; something was definitely not right about Braig, and he resolved to find out as soon as Xehanort was taken care of.

The group, with Aeleus and Xehanort in the center, went up the stairs and began to walk back towards the castle, and the entire way, Ansem was acutely aware of the nasty looks that Braig sent Xehanort's way every now and then. Something was definitely wrong.

******

A few hours later, Ansem, tired and worn down, sat down beside the desk in the infirmary and listened as Sonora, the head of the castle's medical staff, explained about Xehanort's health.

"Heir Xehanort is in very poor condition." she said quietly "He has lost nearly a quarter of his body weight, he is exhausted, and he shows signs that he had been physically abused. Judging by the marks, welts, and bruising that I found, he has been punched, kicked, slapped and whipped with something multiple times over the course of the past few weeks. It may have gone on longer, but since any injuries from those old wounds would have healed and faded, it's impossible to tell. His back is littered with bruising and swelling, as though he has been violently shoved down onto it multiple times, and I imagine that just moving around was painful for him. He is suffering from osteomalacia – a thinning of the bones and weakening of the muscles - due to vitamin D deficiency, and he also has scurvy from a lack of vitamin C. He is also suffering from general malnutrition, but thankfully, all three are mild and can be easily corrected with supplements and diet. I have him on a feeding tube for now, but we will have to carefully feed him back up as it appears that he hasn't eaten in days, possibly weeks. His left shoulder was dislocated, I'm assuming from the sudden arresting of his fall when you caught him. I popped it back into place, and I expect it to be sore for a while while the stretched muscles and tendons heal." She closed the folder that she had been reading out of and looked at Ansem seriously. "Lord Ansem, I also discovered severe rectal and anal tearing and scarring. These are not old injuries; many of them are fairly recent, with some appearing as though they are mere hours old. I said this to you before when Heir Xehanort was in here last, and I will say it again. The violence needed to produce such injuries would have been extremely painful, which makes me highly doubt that he was fully willing in what was done to him."

"But he said -" Ansem began, but the doctor held up her hand to stop him.

"I know what he told you two months ago, and I still insist that either he was conditioned to say that, or Braig propositioned him knowing that Xehanort was not fully aware of what was being asked of him."

"Xehanort knows about sex, Sonora." Ansem said, angry at the accusation at Braig "He is hardly innocent."

"He is also very childlike; on that we can all agree on. If you approach a child that's had The Talk, and ask them 'Would you like to have sex? It will be fun.' and they agree, does that make them willing?"

Ansem looked over at Xehanort, who was lying still and silent on one of the beds. The soft yellow glow on the bedside table allowed him to see the restraints around his wrists that bound him to the bed and prevented him from harming himself. At some point during the walk to the castle, he had fallen asleep in Aeleus' arms, and exhaustion, coupled with a mild sedative, had kept him asleep so they could treat him.

He heard the doctor stand up and turned back to face her. "Think about what I said, Lord Ansem. These last few weeks were enough to drive Xehanort to attempt suicide. He needs your love and support, not your anger and condemnation. Will you be staying with him tonight?" Ansem nodded silently. "You can take the bed next to him. Call for me if he wakes or if he's distressed." She walked away then, to her private quarters aside the infirmary, and Ansem stood up with a heavy sigh and walked over to Xehanort's bed.

He pulled up a chair and sat down beside him and just watched him for a moment. He was tucked under three blankets, wearing hospital pajamas and socks, and the doctor had tied a scarf around the top of his head to prevent it from getting cold. During his bath earlier, his hair had been so badly tangled that it had been easier to cut it off, but the knots had nearly reached his scalp, so the cutting left him nearly bald in places. What little hair he had left was dry, coarse, and easily breakable, another sign of the malnutrition that he was suffering from.

With a heavy sign, Ansem leaned over and softly kissed Xehanort on the forehead before he moved over to the bed beside him and laid down. Only now, once he knew that Xehanort was safe beside him, did sleep overtake him.

******

In the morning, Sonora woke Xehanort up to check on him. Questions about how he was feeling and if he was in any pain were met with with mumbled replies, and he refused to meet her eyes. Ansem watched from a nearby chair with a frown, and at one point he snapped at Xehanort to look at someone when speaking to them. Xehanort flinched at his tone, and Sonora glared at him.

"Out," she told him firmly "I'll not have you upsetting him any further. Get out of my infirmary, and don't come back until your attitude improves."

"This is my castle," Ansem snapped at her "And I will not be ordered around in here like a servant."

"The infirmary is my domain, and Xehanort is in my care, and you and the others have done enough harm with your attitude. Now get out, or I will have you escorted out."

Ansem snarled in anger, abruptly stood up from the chair, and strode out. He ignored the sounds of Xehanort crying softly as he went. Once out in the corridor, he encountered Even, who was evidently going to visit Xehanort. He thought about saying something, something along the lines of "Good luck,", and for one brief, cruel moment, he considered saying that Xehanort was forbidden to have visitors, but that urge died quickly, even as he wondered why the thought had crossed his mind. He shivered and hastened towards his quarters. He had some thinking to do.

******

Ansem stayed in his rooms until dinner time, deep in thought. He found it disturbing that he had been so quick to turn on Xehanort weeks ago, and of course everyone else had followed his lead. Why? Why had been so cold to Xehanort? Yes, yes, he believed – still believed – that Xehanort had been whoring himself out to Braig, but somehow his anger had just... grown. Grown until no longer showed the care and concern that he once had. Grown until he ignored all the signs that Xehanort's health was failing as his mental state deteriorated. Grown until it had pushed Xehanort to the brink of suicide.

He held his face in his hands and shook his head. How could he have been so cruel? Even earlier, snapping at the boy when he was still so fragile. What had he been thinking? Yes, he had reason to be angry at him, but Xehanort had tried to kill himself. The doctor was right; he needed love and support, not anger and condemnation.

Right now, his son was lying tied down to an infirmary bed after a near successful suicide attempt. He should be in there with him, comforting him, soothing him, but instead he was holed up here, trying to cool the anger that stubbornly continued to burn. He shook his head again as his stomach growled to remind him that he hadn't eaten since dinner the previous night. He would go join the others for dinner, and then, once his head had cleared a bit, he would go check on Xehanort.

******

Dinner was a somber affair, with Xehanort's attempted suicide casting a pallor over the room and those in it, except for Braig, who scarfed down his food like all was right in the world. During the meal, Ansem kept finding his eyes drawn to the empty spot on his right, where Xehanort's chair used to be. He couldn't really remember when Xehanort had stopped joining them at the table, and guilt settled about his heart when he remembered his callous dismissal of this early warning sign. Off and on, he saw Even, Dilan, and Aeleus looking at the spot as well. The dining room, normally filled with the babble of conversation was silent save for the clinking of silverware on plates, and after an immeasurable amount of time, Aeleus broke the silence.

"How did your visit with Xehanort go, Even?"

Even, seated at the opposite end of the table from Ansem, sighed, put his fork down, and rested his head in his hands. Ansem just barely managed to stop himself from reprimanding him about elbows on the table.

"It was like... speaking to the wall." Even said in a low voice as he stared down at the table "He wouldn't look at me or talk to me, like he didn't see me at all. The only response I received is when I untied him so I could sit him up, and he kept turning away from me and wouldn't let me touch him. Even when the doctor told him that if he wasn't going to be with someone, he had to be restrained, he wouldn't let me. He just laid there and allowed her to tie him down again."

"We've hurt him badly." Dilan said softly "We've no right to expect him to let us close after what we did."

"I don't know how we can fix this." Aeleus added "Or even if it can be fixed. We all played a part in driving him to try and take his own life. Once someone is pushed that far, they may not be able to come back."

"Or not want to." Even finished "He may never trust any of us again."

"I don't know what the hell you're all worried about." Braig's boisterous tone was so loud that it made everyone jump "He's just a little whore; he'll live, so don't worry about it. Hell, maybe I'll visit him later."

Even slammed his fist down to the table as he stood up from his chair and glared at Braig with his green eyes blazing. "You are to stay away from him, Braig!" he snapped "This entire mess started with you, and I do not want to catch you near him!"

"Oh c'mon, Even!" Braig protested "I didn't do anything! Xehanort said yes!"

"You should have never touched him, regardless of what he said! You will stay away from him, or I will personally throw you into the dungeon!"

Braig turned to Ansem. "Are you going to let this stand, Master Ansem!"

Ansem gestured for Even to sit down. "Quiet down, Even." He turned to Braig. "Unfortunately Braig, Even is correct that this all started with you." He held up his hand when Braig went to protest. "I'm not saying that you are guilty of anything, but for the time being, it would be best if you stayed away from Xehanort. Later, once he's stronger, we can revisit the issue."

Braig settled back down into his chair, grumbling. "Little slut tries to off himself, and suddenly you're all falling over yourselves for him."

"Enough, Braig!" Even barked, and Braig subsided. The rest of the meal passed in silence, with Braig quietly fuming the entire time.

******

After dinner, Ansem walked quietly into the infirmary. Only two lights were on; the lamp at the desk, and the smaller lamp aside Xehanort's bed. As he walked towards him, that lamp allowed him to see that the simple white cloth ties had been replaced with padded leather cuffs that were connected to the bed frame via thin metal chains. There was just enough slack in the chains to allow Xehanort to sit up, but nothing more.

Xehanort was awake, and he turned his head to look at Ansem as he approached. The warm yellow glow from the lamp reflected off the thin tubing that was taped to the side of his face before it disappeared into the left side of his nose.

"Hello, Xehanort." Ansem said quietly as he sat down in the chair aside the bed "How are you feeling?" Xehanort blinked at him, and then he turned away without saying anything. "Aren't you going to answer me?" Xehanort remained silent, and Ansem felt a surge of anger rise within him. He takes the time out the visit him, and the boy refuses to even acknowledge him! "Fine then," he growled as he stood up "It's obvious you'd rather be alone." He turned and began to walk away, but he hadn't gone far when a voice fell on his ears.

"Please, don't." The plaintive plea stopped him in his tracks, and he turned around to see Xehanort sitting up in bed, looking at him. "Please don't leave me alone."

Ansem felt his anger cool and die at that plea, and he quickly returned to Xehanort's side and sat down beside him. The chains clinked quietly together as Xehanort reached out to him, seeking permission, asking for comfort. Ansem unbuckled the cuffs, gathered his child to him and held him close, and Xehanort laid his head down on his shoulder and began to cry.

"Please don't leave me." he begged through his tears "I don't want to be alone again. I can't take it anymore; it hurts too much."

Ansem closed his eyes; why had he been so cruel? "Shhh, shhh, of course not. No, I'll stay right here with you. I won't leave you alone anymore."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant to cause so much trouble. Please don't be angry at me anymore! I'm sorry!"

Behind them, Ansem heard a door open and shut, followed by light footsteps. He waved the doctor off; this was the most open Xehanort had been in weeks, and he didn't want to interrupt the moment, fearing that he would clam up again. "Hush, Xehanort, hush. Don't apologize. Everything will be all right. I'm here with you now, and I won't leave you again. I promise."

"Do you still want me?"

"Yes, of course I still want you. I still love you, and you're still my son. Nothing could make me throw you away, and I'm sorrier than words can express that I ever made you think otherwise." He shoved the angry thoughts of doing just that to the back of his mind and tried to ignore that he had ever had them.

Xehanort cried as Ansem held him and murmured soothingly to him until he was just too exhausted to keep going, and he quieted and fell asleep in Ansem's arms. Ansem cradled him and watched him sleep; how had he nearly thrown this away?

It was strange, unprecedented, but still perfectly legal, to adopt an adult in Radiant Garden, provided both parties agreed to it. Ansem had never found a wife or fathered a child; his work had always come first, and in light of his advancing age, it appeared as if neither were ever going to happen. There were his apprentices of course, and the heavens knew that he loved them all like they were his own, but they had their own reasons for not wanting such a formal relationship with him. Even and Dilan had learned the hard way that parental figures couldn't be trusted, and while they loved and trusted him, both kept a wall between themselves and him, which prevented him from getting as close as a parent would. Aeleus knew and loved his own parents fiercely, even though they had been gone for seven years already, and would not allow anyone else to step into their shoes. Braig's parents had loved their son, but with so many children to care for – Braig was the youngest of seven – there weren't enough hours in the day to show it, so Braig never really developed any desire to have a close family. Ienzo's parents had been gone for four years, and his memories of them were slowly fading, but it was Even that he had latched onto as his parental substitute, while looking to Ansem as a grandfatherly figure.

There had been concerned whispers around town; who would take over the rulership of the world once Lord Ansem passed on? Many assumed that one of his apprentices would take the role, Even, or perhaps Dilan, but Ansem knew better. Even did not have the temperament for such a task. He was a brilliant scientist, devoted to his work, and he loved Ienzo with a single mindedness that put many parents to shame.

And therein was the problem. Even cared only for his work, Ienzo, and his other friends. He was more than capable of running the world, but he would have hated every minute of it.

As for Dilan, while he was very bright and very good at his work, Ansem knew that he was not capable of juggling the many tasks that running the world required. It was tiring and stressful, and Dilan would not have been able to cope.

Braig of course was too carefree, and dare he say it, immature. Braig had joined the guard as soon as he had been eligible at sixteen, and he did his job well, but he would never take on such a responsibility.

Aeleus was steady, strong, a rock in a churning sea, ready and able to do what was needed, whenever it was needed, but he also lacked the mindset needed to be a ruler. He would make a wonderful guard commander some day; perhaps he would also fill an advisory role, but he, like Even, would hate every moment he was forced to be in charge of the entire world.

Ienzo was only ten, but Ansem could plainly see that the boy's thirst for knowledge and drive to learn were very much like his own at that age. Still, he was too young to see what he would be like once he was grown. A person changed greatly during the course of childhood after all.

It had begun to appear as though he was going to have to appoint someone to be his heir and successor, something that he had been loathe to do. He wanted someone to ensure that his apprentices were taken care of; he didn't want them to be tossed out of their home the instant the funeral services were completed. He wanted someone that would rule the world with fairness, yet be firm and unyielding when need be. He needed someone that wasn't afraid to make the hard decisions, yet could be loved by the people and could love them in return. The five of his apprentices working together could achieve all of that, but like siblings the world over, they squabbled and bickered, had fights and disagreements, and they sometimes had moments where they would get so angry with each other that they would refuse to speak to each other for a day or two. They always made up, but such things could be devastating to a world that needed solutions quickly.

No, he loved them all, flaws and everything, but they could not rule Radiant Garden in his absence. Someone else would have to be found.

And then someone was found, literally. Xehanort was found by Braig, lying injured and barely conscious in the square over the Rising Falls. As Xehanort recovered, it became increasingly clear that he had no family to take him home, and no home to return to anyway. No one in Radiant Garden recognized him or claimed him as their own, and he couldn't remember anything save his name. As he healed, his desperate desire to have a family that wanted him became so intense that it pained him, and Ansem often had to go to him in the night to soothe him back to sleep after being awakened by his cries.

The other five, especially Even and Braig, welcomed Xehanort into their group, and soon Ansem found his number of apprentices increased to six. Xehanort soon proved to have quick mind and a keen analytical sense, and when he went out into town, his charisma and natural charm soon had the people flocking to him in droves. Their attention made him feel welcomed and at home, and he returned their affection with warmth and affection of his own.

Yet, the ghosts of his missing past still haunted him, and when his forgotten nightmares woke him, or when the sight of a loving, happy family reminded him that he had none of his own, it was Ansem that he would turn to, looking for love, assurance, and comfort. He allowed Ansem to get close, allowed him to step into the parental role that the others refused him. It was then, four months after Xehanort's rescue, that Ansem realized what he must do.

Gentle questions asked to Xehanort had resulted in an eager response, so it was the simple matter to have the appropriate papers drawn up. The others had been happy for them, and the world cheered with the news that there was finally an heir to take the reins when Ansem had to let them go. Everyone had celebrated, and he, Ansem Hart, aged 54 years, could hardly believe that he finally had a child to call his own. Never mind that said child was already grown and estimated to be 19 or 20 years of age, he finally knew what it felt like to feel the love of a child, to be that close to someone.

Now as he cradled that battered, broken, and so very sick child in his arms, he wondered why he had been so quick to throw him aside like yesterday's trash. Xehanort was everything he could have wanted in a son, yet he had so callously dismissed his pain, his fear, and his depression. Not once had he tried to talk to Xehanort, to let him explain himself. No, he had simply tossed the boy aside and allowed him to be hurt.

He leaned down and pressed his lips to Xehanort's forehead in a gentle kiss. "I love you, Xehanort." he said softly "I love you so much. I swear that I will never leave you again, and I promise that I'll be there to protect you from the people that want to hurt you." Xehanort whimpered softly and nestled closer, and Ansem smiled faintly and rocked him. "Rest now, child. I'll be here when you wake up."

Xehanort sighed and went still as he relaxed into Ansem's embrace, and it was then that Sonora finally approached. The two of them tried to lie Xehanort down, but the boy had a firm grip on Ansem's shirt and even in sleep, he wouldn't let go.

Seeing no other option, Ansem laid down and laid Xehanort down beside him. Xehanort immediately snuggled close before he settled back down.

"Are you sure that this won't frighten him?" Ansem asked as Sonora pulled the blankets over the two of them.

She gave him a gentle, knowing smile. "I am certain." she said gently "Right now he needs you more than anything, so I doubt that any harm can come of you holding him while he sleeps." She smiled again as she stood up. "If he wakes, you know where to find me, and if you have to leave his side for more than a moment, you'll have to restrain him. I know that you don't like it, but right now, it's something that has to be done until we're certain that he's no longer suicidal. Goodnight, my lord."

With that, she turned and walked away, and Xehanort inched even closer and tucked his head under Ansem's chin. Ansem smiled and went to run his hand down Xehanort's hair, only to be reminded that there was no hair, only the soft material of the scarf that covered his mostly bald head.

"Goodnight, Xehanort." he said softly as he closed his own eyes "I love you."

******

It was the feeling of movement beside him that woke Ansem later, and he cracked his eyes open to see Xehanort sitting up in the predawn light, preparing to stand.

"And where do you think you're going, young man?" he asked as he sat up himself and pushed the blankets away.

Even in the dim light, he could see the blush that spread across Xehanort's face. "I have to go to the bathroom." he said quietly.

"Alright," Ansem said as he stood up, walked over to Xehanort's side of the bed, and carefully pulled him to his feet. "I'll take you."

Xehanort blushed again. "You don't have to go with me." he said in a small voice.

"Yes, I do. I'm not going to leave you alone in the state you're in, and if the way that you're shaking is anything to go by, I doubt that you could make it there without assistance anyway."

It was true, he could feel Xehanort's entire body shaking in his arms, and he was certain that, if he were to let go, Xehanort's legs would have buckled, sending him falling to the stone floor. Xehanort lowered his gaze to the floor and said nothing more during the walk, though he protested Ansem being in the room with him while he did his business.

Ansem just smiled and helped him stand in front of the toilet, and once that was taken care of, Xehanort was so tired that he could barely stand. Ansem simply scooped him up into his arms and carried him back to bed, and he couldn't help his smile when Xehanort nestled against him.

"It could be worse," Ansem said as he laid Xehanort down "You could be in diapers again like you were when you were first brought here."

Xehanort's eyes, which were halfway closed as he went back to sleep, flew open in horror. "No! Not that again! I'll accept the help as long as I don't have to wear those again!"

Ansem laughed quietly, glad to have gotten some kind of response other than mumbles and meek replies. "No Xehanort, I won't do that to you. You don't need them anyway. I just want to help you, can you understand that?" He laid down beside him, and Xehanort gave him a feeble smile as he snuggled close. "I love you, and I want to take care of you when you can't take care of yourself. Will you let me?"

Xehanort, with his face hidden in Ansem's shirt, didn't respond for a long moment, and then, finally, he gave a slow nod. Ansem smiled and pulled the blankets over them before he wrapped his arms around the boy. "Go back to sleep, Xehanort." he said gently "I love you."

"Love you too, Master Ansem." Xehanort mumbled sleepily, and then Ansem felt him relax into sleep as his breathing slowed and deepened.

Ansem smiled again, but that smile turned into a frown when something occurred to him. Xehanort was his child and heir, yet the boy still referred to him as "Master Ansem" same as the other apprentices. He also was still staying in the apprentice apartments instead of in his own suite of rooms in the wing of the castle that was occupied by the royal family. Ansem's frown deepened; as soon as the adoption had taken place, Xehanort should have moved out of his apprentice apartment, and he should have been given permission to use whatever parental title for his new father that he felt like using, yet Ansem could not recall even thinking about those things. He would have to rectify those things as soon as possible. The second thing – his living quarters – could be taken care of once he was well enough to be on his own and could be trusted not to hurt himself. The first issue could be rectified as soon as he woke up later in the morning.

Decisions made for the moment, Ansem settled down next to his sleeping son for the rest of the night. He needed to be well rested if he was to give Xehanort the care and attention he deserved.

******

In the morning when Ansem woke, Xehanort was still sleeping. Feeling a need to visit the bathroom himself, he carefully got out of bed and walked to the desk to call for a servant to fetch his shower kit and a change of clothes. Once those had been delivered, he returned to Xehanort's side, and carefully, so not to wake him, positioned him on his back and buckled the cuffs around his wrists. Xehanort's eyes fluttered open then, and Ansem smiled gently at him.

"Just go back to sleep, Xehanort. I'm going to take a shower, and then I'll be back." Xehanort nodded sleepily and closed his eyes, and Ansem kissed him on the forehead before he went into the bathroom aside the infirmary and started the water running in the shower.

While he was standing in the hot spray, he thought he heard a door open and close. Figuring it was Sonora coming in to check on Xehanort, he dismissed it as unimportant and continued with what he was doing. After he was clean, he dried himself, dressed, and turned his attention to combing his hair and beard. It was then, as he noted that he needed a trim, that a small cry fell on his ears. A second later, there was a slap, followed by a second, slightly louder cry.

Ansem quickly walked to the bathroom door and opened it, and the sound of bed springs squeaking fell on his ears, accompanied by grunts and the sound of Xehanort crying softly.

"Please stop, Braig." Xehanort sobbed "I don't want this anymore. Leave me alone."

Ansem felt his heart drop – What?- and he moved out of the doorway and over to the desk.

"Shut your mouth," Braig growled "We had an agreement, and I'll be damned if you're going to renege on it. I don't care what the others say."

"It hurts, Braig! Stop! Please, it hurts!" Xehanort wailed as Ansem rounded the desk.

Whereupon he stopped dead in his tracks when he realized what he was seeing.

Xehanort was still on the bed, but he was pressed up against the headboard, with the chains that connected the cuffs to the bed frame pulled taut, like he had tried to scoot away. The blankets were on the floor, his legs were pushed as far apart as they could go, and pillows had been placed under him to prop him up. Braig was kneeling on the bed between Xehanort's legs, holding him by the thighs, with his pants down to his knees, pounding into Xehanort's torn and bleeding anus without a care for the pain he was causing or the damage he was doing. Xehanort writhed and thrashed on the bed as much as his restraints would allow as he cried and begged Braig to stop.

Xehanort had asked Braig to stop.

Braig had refused.

Xehanort had said that it hurt.

Braig had ignored him.

Xehanort was tied down and helpless to get away or defend himself.

Braig knew that.

This was not Xehanort whoring himself out.

This was not Xehanort taking advantage of Braig.

This was Braig taking advantage of Xehanort.

This was Braig hurting Xehanort.

This was Braig raping Xehanort.

Like it had two months ago after Xehanort's confession, Ansem felt his anger surge upward within him, only this time it wasn't Xehanort that it was directed at. His vision seemed to narrow into a tunnel that saw only Braig ahead of him as he strode forward and snatched Braig off of the bed by the collar of his jacket. He was dimly aware of Xehanort's wail at the sudden, painful withdraw, as well as the sound of the door to Sonora's quarters rattling as she tried to get out, but his attention was focused on Braig, on his face, sweaty and flushed with arousal, arousal that was quickly fading as he realized that he had been caught in the act again.

"What do you think you are doing, Braig?" Ansem snapped, and Braig looked at him in confusion for a second, before he grinned.

"What does it look like?" he said cheekily "Me and Xehanort were having a little fun."

"'Having fun' is now how I would word using someone that is restrained and can't fight back."

"Oh, c'mon, don't tell me that you believe his lies too!"

"I heard everything, Braig." Ansem growled, and Braig's face lost that cheeky grin as the blood drained from it. "I heard him tell you to stop. I heard him tell you that it hurt. I also heard you tell him that you didn't care! That, Braig, is rape, and I will not have a rapist under my roof, harming my son!"

Braig gave him an ugly look. "Oh sure, now that the little whore's tried to off himself, you're all concerned again! You didn't give a shit all the other times! You didn't care then, so why do you care now!"

Ansem snarled in rage and raised his fist, intending to smash it into Braig's arrogant smirk, but a hand suddenly grabbed him by the wrist and stopped him.

"Master Ansem, stop." came Aeleus' steady baritone from his right "Let me and Dilan deal with Braig. Xehanort needs you now."

The adrenaline abruptly drained away then, and Ansem became aware of multiple people inside the infirmary, all of them shouting and talking, but strangely enough, he couldn't hear Xehanort, so he let go of Braig. "Get him out of my sight." Dilan and Aeleus dragged Braig, still yelling and protesting, out of the infirmary as Ansem turned to Xehanort. Even was also in the room, and he had released the restraints, wrapped Xehanort in a blanket, and was holding him close and talking soothingly to him. Sonora was nearby, but Xehanort refused to let her look at him, and he tried to squirm away every time she reached for the blanket.

Ansem walked up and gently scooped Xehanort out of Even's arms and into his own. He couldn't carry him for long, but he had to get him away from everyone to calm him down.

And give him a long overdue apology.

"Even," he ordered "Take care of this mess."

Even bowed his head. "Yes, my lord."

"Xehanort and I will be in my rooms. No one is to disturb us." Without waiting for an answer, Ansem turned on his heel and walked out, with Xehanort clinging to him.

During the walk through the corridors towards the royal wing, they encountered many of the servants. Most of them darted out of their way quickly, but a few openly stared at Xehanort, and as they passed, Ansem heard them whispering to each other.

"The slut's in trouble now."

"Now what has he done?"

"Daddy's taking him off for a paddling." This one was followed by laughter, and it caused Xehanort to give Ansem a fearful look.

"No, Xehanort." he said as he carried him through the thankfully open door into his own private rooms "I'm not going to punish you. You did nothing wrong."

By then his arms were shaking from the exertion of carrying Xehanort so far, and he gratefully laid him down in his own massive bed and breathed a sigh of relief. Xehanort whimpered as he settled into the soft mattress and blankets, and he closed his eyes with tears tracking down his face. Ansem gently unwrapped the blanket. "Let me look at you."

Xehanort nodded but kept his eyes closed, and he was silent as Ansem looked him over. He was relieved to see that the bleeding had stopped, but he could clearly see two, small, fresh tears. Guilt wound itself around his heart again, but he tried to ignore it as he walked into his private bath to fetch a damp washcloth.

He tried to be as gentle as possible, but Xehanort still whined and squirmed a bit in discomfort as he was cleaned up, but he made no other protest. Once that was taken care of, Ansem tossed the bloodied cloth aside, not caring at all about the possibility of getting blood on the carpet, wrapped Xehanort back up in the blanket, and laid down next to him and pulled him close.

Xehanort hid his face, and Ansem could feel the boy shaking in his arms.

"Don't hold it back, Xehanort." he said gently "Let it out."

There was a hitching breath, followed by a sob, then another, and then Ansem felt tears wetting his shirt. Soon, Xehanort was crying in his arms, and all Ansem could do was hold him, rub his back, and murmur soothing words to him. He touched his nose to the scarf that covered Xehanort's head and felt his own eyes burn with tears, because he could no longer deny it to himself.

Xehanort had been the victim all along. His anger and refusal to support his son had caused the boy more pain, pain that could have been avoided easily by asking for a simple explanation before passing judgment. He could have ordered Braig to stay away from Xehanort, he could have given Xehanort a chance to explain, he could have done so many things, but he hadn't, and Xehanort had paid dearly for his hubris.

"I'm sorry." he whispered over Xehanort's sobs "I'm sorry that I blamed you. I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you or give you a chance to explain. I'm sorry that I allowed people to say such hateful things about you. Most of all, I'm sorry that I ever made you feel so unwanted and unloved that you decided that death was preferable to life.

"It terrifies me to think of how close I came to losing you, and I never want to feel that way again. I never want you to feel unloved again either. I don't care what I have to do, but I will make it all up to you somehow. I promise. I just hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me for all the hurt that I've caused you."

Xehanort shifted, and he relaxed his grip a little so the boy could scoot back and look up at him. Xehanort's face was red and wet with tears, and there was a hand print shaped bruise that was beginning to bloom on his left cheek. His nose was running and dripping around the feeding tube, so Ansem pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and carefully wiped his nose with it. Xehanort gave him a feeble smile, and then he nodded before he nestled close again.

Ansem let out a relieved sob and held Xehanort tight. "I love you," he whispered "I'll never push you away again."

Xehanort slowly quieted, but it wasn't until his stomach growled loudly for attention they Ansem let go of him. He laughed quietly as he sat up and called for a servant to get breakfast sent up. In short order a tray was delivered, with a full breakfast for Ansem, and a small plate with small portions of bland foods for Xehanort. There was also a large plastic syringe filled with a bright pink liquid, which was accompanied by a small card. The card was from the doctor and read:

I want Xehanort to eat at least a fourth of what is on his plate. If he cannot do that,
then connect the syringe to his feeding tube and give him all of it. He must be sitting up for
this. Compress the plunger gently and slowly, and afterwards, fill it halfway with water, and
flush the tube out. I am assuming that he is not seriously hurt since you haven't brought
him back here, but I will need to see him later anyway. Send for me as soon as he's up to it.

Ansem set the card aside to see Xehanort looking at his plate with faint revulsion. "Do you think you can eat some of this?" he asked, to which Xehanort swallowed heavily and shook his head. "Are you sure? Do you want to try?" Xehanort shook his head and swallowed again like he was trying not to be sick. "Alright then, let's sit you up."

Ansem piled several of the bed pillows up against the headboard and placed another one down for Xehanort to sit on. He then carefully picked Xehanort up and sat him down on them. He winced, but didn't cry or show any other signs of pain or discomfort, so Ansem picked up the syringe and pulled the cap off of the tip. He'd given Xehanort tube feedings before, after he'd been found and was too weak to eat normally, so he remembered easily what to do. Xehanort sat back passively against the pillows and didn't make a sound as he was fed and the tube was flushed out.

"Do you want to lie down?" Ansem asked him after that was done, to which Xehanort nodded tiredly. He carefully helped him lie down and tucked him under the heavy comforter. "I'm going into the other room to eat now. I'll leave the door open so you can see me -" And so I can watch you. he thought but didn't say. "- so just call me if you need me."

Xehanort's eyes were already closed, and he nodded once more before he went still. Ansem quietly stepped out into his sitting room, and he sat down in such a place that he could see Xehanort through the open door. He ate quickly, not wanting to leave Xehanort alone long, even if they were just a few feet apart. Not that it mattered, Xehanort was sound asleep, and Ansem wondered how long it had been since he'd had a full night's rest. After he finished his meal, he summoned a servant to collect the dishes and pass a message to Sonora to come at her convenience.

She arrived a few minutes later, and she immediately moved to the bedroom to check on Xehanort. Ansem followed her as she woke Xehanort up by gently shaking him and calling his name. He groaned quietly as he woke, but he didn't fuss or protest as the blankets were taken away so he could be examined.

"Were you able to eat anything, Xehanort?" she asked gently as she looked at the two new fissures that Ansem had spotted earlier, and Xehanort only shook his head silently. Once the exam was done, they stood him up – which he protested against – and walked him into the bathroom to give him a bath.

"Can you take him from here, Lord Ansem?" she asked after they had filled the tub, peeled Xehanort out of his sleep clothes, and settled him into the water.

"I'm sure we'll be fine." he replied as he knelt down on the floor aside the tub.

"I assume that you don't want to return him to the infirmary after what happened this morning?"

Xehanort shivered, and Ansem shook his head. "No, he'll be fine here."

"Fine then, I'll be back later this evening to check on him again. I'll send up supplements for him later as well as some numbing cream for his back. When it comes time for lunch I want him to try and eat. We need to get him eating as soon as possible."

"Understood."

Sonora saw herself out, and Ansem turned his attention to Xehanort and smiled at him gently. "Let's get you cleaned up then, shall we?" He picked up the soap and a clean cloth from the nearby rack and got started.

Xehanort was quiet and passive while Ansem bathed him, though he winced a few times while his back was scrubbed. Ansem tried to be as gentle as possible, but the bruising was so extensive and the welts so numerous that it was impossible not to cause pain there. He then drained the water, helped Xehanort stand, dried him off, wrapped him in a towel, and carefully walked him back into the bedroom. During the bath, one of the servants had brought the cream that the doctor had mentioned as well as a clean set of pajamas and another scarf for Xehanort's head.

Xehanort sat on the edge of the bed and allowed Ansem to rub the cream into the bruises on his back, and he let out a quiet sigh when it began to work. He then allowed himself to be dressed and tucked back into bed.

"I will wake you for lunch." he said quietly "Go to sleep; I'll be nearby if you need me."

Xehanort mumbled something, curled up on his right side, and closed his eyes. Ansem gently patted the comforter around his shoulders and then walked quietly out into the sitting room to find a book to read until lunchtime.

However he'd barely sat down when there was a knock at his door. He frowned and glanced into the bedroom to see that Xehanort hadn't been disturbed by the sound, so he heaved a sigh and went to answer it. He opened the door to see Even standing on the other side.

"How is he?" his Senior Apprentice asked without preamble. Ansem stepped aside and gestured for him to come in and closed the door behind him. Even immediately walked into the bedroom, and he seemed to sag with relief when he saw Xehanort sleeping safely in the middle of the bed.

"Even?"

Even slowly turned to face him, and Ansem was alarmed to see that his normally calm and collected apprentice was shaking and wringing his hands. "Even, what is wrong?" If he hadn't known any better, he would have thought that Even was going to cry, but that was impossible – Even never cried. Being raised until the age of 12 by people that considered crying a punishable offense had that effect on a person. Yet, as they stood there, he could clearly see moisture glistening on Even's cheeks, and he walked up to Even and wrapped his arms around him. Even was much taller than him, but that didn't stop the boy from lying his head on his master's shoulder.

"You just realized how close we came to losing him, didn't you?" Ansem asked gently, and Even nodded.

"He almost died," he said between hitching breaths "and it would have been our fault. Braig is the one that hurt him, but we're the ones that allowed it to happen."

"We realized our mistake in time. He's safe now, and we'll be there to help him as he heals. Braig will be punished for what's he's done, and he will never lay hands on Xehanort again." He led Even over to the nearby table and sat him down in a chair that allowed him to see into the bedroom.

"I just... can't believe that I was so cruel to him." Even continued as he wiped his eyes "I helped care for him when he was hurt, I soothed him through pain and fever, helped him stand and walk again, held him after his therapy sessions. I was with him through every step of his recovery, and he trusted me, and I just threw that trust back into his face without a second thought. What's wrong with me!"

"The same thing that is wrong with me, I would imagine." Ansem said evenly as he sat down in the other chair. "It was the same for me, and to make it worse, I adopted Xehanort, made him officially my son and part of my family, yet at one point I actually considered throwing him out. I don't know what prompted me to go check on him that night, but I am so, so glad that I did, otherwise all we would have is what the Rising Falls left of him."

Even shivered. "It horrifies me to realize that we made him think that death was easier to bear than life."

"As it does me." Ansem paused for a second. "Did you take care of everything in the infirmary?"

Even nodded, gratefully accepting the subject change. "I did. It seems that your yelling at Braig attracted the servants' attention. That you caught them in bed together again has already spread throughout the castle. Some are saying that it appears that Xehanort was genuinely the victim in this case, but most are assuming that he was whoring himself out even while lying in a hospital bed. Those that I could catch, I told to keep their mouths shut about what they saw, but unfortunately, I could do nothing about those that went running to anyone that would listen as soon as they got a glimpse through the doors. I really think you need to address the staff as soon as possible, followed by the town. It is the only thing that has a chance of settling people down right now."

"I will do that," Ansem agreed with a nod "but first I think I need to speak to Xehanort and get the full story from him. I don't want to pass judgment without all the facts again."

"Agreed."

"Has Braig been taken care of?"

"Yes, I spoke to Dilan before coming here, and he informed me that Braig is safely locked away in the castle prison and that Aeleus is standing guard in case anyone gets any brilliant ideas about letting him out."

"You believe it is a possibility?"

"Yes, I do." Even said simply, and Ansem nodded.

"Fair enough. Now, I need to beg your patience and ask you for an enormous favor?"

Even understood. "You need me to handle things for you while you care for Xehanort."

"Yes. He's been alone too much. I won't leave him, not until he's ready to stand alone again."

"I will do that then." Even said, though one corner of his mouth briefly curled up in disgust. "But if I may, I wish... to help look after for Xehanort as well?"

Ansem smiled gently. Sometimes Even saw Xehanort as a younger brother, sometimes as a very annoying younger brother with all his questions, but there were other times where he treated Xehanort as a parent would treat a child. Ansem chalked it up to him caring for Xehanort during the latter's recovery. If Ansem was not there with him, then Even was, and Xehanort was close to the both of them as a result.

Now they just needed to see if that closeness hadn't been irreparably damaged.

"Why don't you join us here for lunch?" Ansem suggested "I'm sure that Xehanort will be glad to have us both here, and you can help me coax him into eating something."

Even smiled faintly. "I look forward to it." He stood up. "I will see you then."

Even showed himself out, and Ansem retrieved his book from the table that he had laid it on, settled himself into a chair that allowed him to watch Xehanort through the open door, and began to read, flicking his eyes up every few paragraphs to check on his sleeping child.


-- Part 2
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