AMoS Chapter 5-4

[eiahmon]

Title: A Moment of Stupidity Part 5: 1535 - 1568
Rating: R for language, and mentions of RAPE and M/M SLASH. Don't like, then don't read.
Disclaimer: Castlevania and its characters and situations are the sole property of Konami. I am making no money or profit off of this fanfiction and no copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: AU. What if Joachim Armster had lived through his fight with Leon Belmont? What might have been different? Well hang on, because Joachim is going to tell you all about it. From his kidnapping and forced turning to his rescue from the ruins of Walter's castle, and from Trevor's birth and to Richter's death of old age, he tells all - and blames it all on Leon while he's at it.
Section Summary – Part 5 goes from Trevor's funeral to Liron's death.

4.
Anew

As the days and nights continued to warm up, I was delighted to see a slow improvement in Hector. He slept less (though he still slept most of the time), and he seemed to have just a smidgen more energy. His thirst was still as strong as ever, and his bleeding was just as heavy, but I was still thrilled to see this small improvement. Of course, since he was awake more, that meant that he wanted to be with me, but I found I didn't mind having him with me. He was content to snuggle next to me or curl up on my lap, and when the children returned to my porch, he wanted to sit out with them once it was dark enough out.

The children knew about Hector, and they were fascinated with him. At my request, Liron called a clan meeting and explained to the adults that yes, Uncle Joachim had a child, that said child was very ill and had been rescued from an abusive master. For that reason, no one was to ask him about how he had come to live with me or pester him in any way. The law was laid down to the children, and those that asked the wrong questions got sent home where a lecture from their parents awaited. The rest learned quickly not to bother him.

Hector loved listening to them as they chatted to each other and played games, and he often fell asleep while curled up on the bench beside me. When I carried him to bed, the children would wish him goodnight, something that he loved to hear. When he managed to stay awake, the children would often protest when I shooed them home for the night.

"But we want to stay with Hector." was a common saying.

"It's time for Hector's dinner." I would always respond. "And then he's going to bed."

One night, after telling them that it was time for Hector to be in bed, one of the boys asked him: "You have a bedtime too?" to which Hector nodded sleepily. The children made noises of sympathy, with some waxing about how unfair a bedtime was, and it took a great deal of effort on my part not to break out in laughter. I reminded them that Hector was sick and needed to sleep, and it was that that finally got them moving, with a few calling out as they left: "We hope you feel better soon!"

Hector fed and went to bed without a fuss, with a promise from me that I would be back as soon as I hunted. I hunted quickly, but I found a surprise waiting for me when I returned home. A large bat, easily the size of a large dog, was hanging from the timbers that supported the roof over the porch. It fluttered down when I climbed up the steps and landed on my shoulder, and it was then that I spotted the tiny scroll case tied to one of its feet. I carefully opened it and extracted the rolled up piece of paper inside. I unrolled it to find it was a letter from Ladislas, inviting Hector and myself to his home for a few days. The invitation said to write my response down, and that his pet would carry it back to him.

I walked inside the house with the bat on my shoulder, and it fluttered up to the ceiling beams and hung there while I wrote out a reply, stating that we would be glad to visit. I hadn't yet told Hector that he was going to be ill for as long as he lived, and I hoped that seeing Rachim still living a happy life despite it would help soften the blow. Once the letter was finished, I waved the bat down, and it came down to rest on my shoulder again. I rolled up the note and placed it in the scroll case, but the bat did not fly off through the open front door like I expected it to. Instead it only squeaked at me.

"I'm sorry," I said, "But I don't speak bat."

"She says she's hungry." came Hector's muffled voice from the bedroom.

"Oh, okay then." I bit into my thumb and offered it up – what other pet would a vampire keep aside from a vampire bat? – and it squeaked again and licked at the dripping blood before it took off and fluttered out of the house.

With that out of the way, I dressed for bed, and I found Hector still awake when I laid down beside him. He curled close like he always did, and I tucked the blanket around him.

"You can speak to animals?" I asked.

He nodded sleepily. "Mmhmm," he mumbled with a yawn. "All Devil Forgemasters can. What was the bat here for?"

"She was delivering a letter from Ladislas, inviting us over for a few days."

"Who is Ladislas?"

"He was the vampire you saw in the library months ago."

"Are we going then?"

"I don't see why not. We can't spend all of our time in this house after all."

Hector tucked his head under my chin and closed his eyes. "You'll be with me?"

"Always, little one."

I felt him smile, and then the bond narrowed as he went to sleep.

******

In the morning before Hector woke, I hunted, and then I returned home to pack what we would need. I would only need a few changes of clothing and my bathing kit, but Hector would need several changes of clothes, plenty of pads, blankets, and a myriad of other things. I dragged a large trunk out of the attic and got started, and I finished up just as Hector woke, wanting to be fed. He then went back to sleep, while I settled into the library to pass the time.

We departed that night after the sun had set, and Hector was content to lie on the bench in the carriage that Ladislas had sent, wound in a blanket, with his head on my lap. We traveled during the day, and at night, we stopped at inns and taverns. I would tuck Hector into bed, and then I would go hunt for our evening meal. In the morning, before the sun rose, I would hunt a second time for breakfast. At about midday, I would feed Hector a third time.

It took about two days of travel to reach Ladislas' territory, and once we neared the border, I called out to him and asked permission to enter. He responded with permission granted, so we rolled right in. It took another two days to reach his home, and it was by the faint light of a gray dawn that I took my first look at his castle.

My first thought was: He lives here? The castle was in ruins, except for one wing which appeared to be in good condition. I could see lights in the windows of that wing, so I assumed that's where he and Rachim lived. The rest of it had been taken over by nature and was teeming with life. Trees jutted up from empty rooms, vines covered crumbling walls, and small animals darted here and there. The entire structure was built of some dark stone that looked black in the low light, and I wondered who had built it and why.

I was broken out of my thoughts when the carriage rolled to a stop, and I saw Ladislas walking towards us down a weed choked path. I wrapped Hector completely in his blanket to protect him from the early dawn, picked him up, and alighted from the carriage when the door opened. The smell of the ocean assaulted my nose, followed quickly by the sounds of crashing waves, so we had to be very close to the sea.

"My friend!" Ladislas greeted me. "How was your trip? Come inside! Come inside! I'm sure your little one is ready for bed, so let's get you settled in. Don't worry about your luggage; my servants will take care of it."

Ladislas chattered cheerfully as he led me through the overgrown path towards the castle, and I heard Hector whimper once or twice as the sun brightened in the eastern sky behind us.

"We'll be inside soon." I said to him soothingly, and just then Ladislas led me into what appeared to be a ruined entrance hall. The roof and the upper part of the walls were long gone, lying scattered in piles of rubble on the floor, through which a path had been cleared. Only a few rotted timbers still remained to show where the roof had once been. I was curious about the place, but Hector's rising anxiety at the rising sun was flooding the bond, making it hard to concentrate on my curiosity. Ladislas led me through a doorway at the back of the hall and then down a flight of steps that led underground into a tunnel constructed of the same stone as the rest of the castle. We walked down this tunnel for a few minutes before we ascended another flight of steps and came out into a nicely furnished room. Rich rugs and tapestries dotted the walls, and large windows allowed light to flood the room. With a wave of his hand, Ladislas closed the curtains over the windows, cutting out the sunlight. Hector sighed quietly, and Ladislas gave me a small smile as he gestured me to follow him.

He led me through the corridors and up a flight of stairs to a beautifully appointed suite of rooms. We stepped into a comfortable sitting room, lit by multiple candles on stands, mounted on the walls, and hanging from the ceiling. The curtains were already closed over the windows, and Ladislas stepped up to me as I was looking around.

"The bedroom is through there." he said, gesturing to a door on my left. "I'll leave you to get settled in." He stepped out and closed the door behind him, and I carried Hector into the bedroom to put him down for the day.

The bed was huge, almost large enough to get lost in, and it was piled high with soft pillows and heavy quilts, but I paid scant attention to that as I laid Hector down and unwrapped him. He looked around for a moment with heavy eyes before he yawned and looked up at me. I dressed him for bed, slipped a pad under his head to protect the pillow, and covered him with the quilt.

"I'm going to speak with Ladislas now." I said as I ran my hand over his hair. "Call me if you need me, alright?" He nodded sleepily and closed his eyes, so I leaned down and kissed him on the side of his head. "I love you." He smiled faintly and fell asleep, so I stood up from the bed and quietly walked out of the bedroom.

I followed the feel of Ladislas' powerful presence downstairs, where I found him in a sitting room. He looked up and saw me and waved me to come join him.

"Where is Rachim?" I asked as I sat down in a chair across from him.

"He sleeps during the day," he replied "and won't be up until around sunset. I usually sleep at the same time, but with your arrival being this early, things got flipped around."

I laughed quietly. "I'm ready for a few hours myself. Long trips are tiring."

Ladislas laughed along with me for a moment, and then his expression sobered. "Have you told him yet?" he asked quietly, and I knew immediately what he was talking about.

"No," I sighed, "Not yet. How do you tell your child such a thing?"

"It is difficult, and if Hector takes the news like Rachim did, he probably won't speak to you for a month as he struggles to prove you wrong, but he has to know."

"I had hoped that seeing Rachim still living a good life despite his own poor health would help, to be honest."

"It might, but Hector must understand that Rachim is much older and has much more time to recover. He can't expect to reach Rachim's level in only a few short years."

"I'm still not sure how such a thing is possible. Any injury heals almost instantly, and even serious ones heal quickly, yet Hector starves for 61 years, and it leaves him sickly for as long as he lives. Kerwin explained it to me years ago when I was ill, but I'm still not understanding it."

Ladislas sighed. "I understand your confusion. I too had difficulty grasping it, and I couldn't figure out why Rachim wasn't getting better, despite how much blood I was giving him. As Silvanus explained it to me, it damages the healing ability as well as the ability to absorb blood, hence the bleeding."

"Yes, Kerwin explained as much to me, but why does the healing ability heal itself? I baffles me how we can suffer permanent damage in such a way."

"Silvanus likened it a person that has gone without water for several days. Once they have gone beyond a certain point, getting water will not save them. But since we're vampires, getting blood prevents death, but the damage is too severe for everything to heal. He did assure me that Rachim would grow in power and strength as normal, but he would be much weaker than he should be and would tire easily. That much is true; Rachim is decently powerful, though much weaker than one would expect with his age of 2,000 years. What hurt him, as well as Hector, was how young he was when the starvation started. If they had been older, they likely would have fully recovered like you had."

"How old was Rachim?"

Ladislas sighed again. "He was less than a year when they took him from me, and nearing two centuries when I found him again. As you know, once I realized he was alive, I cut a bloody swath through them to get to him and fled here, severing our bonds with them so they would have a harder time tracking us."

I shook my head slightly. "You must not have been close to your family."

Ladislas growled quietly, which startled me. "They were no family of mine." he said, and at my confused look, he elaborated. "My 'parents' had been unable to have a child, despite centuries of trying, so they convinced my real parents to give me up, stating that they would give me a better life than poor peasants ever could."

I was shocked. "You were born human?"

Ladislas nodded. "Indeed I was. Of course, any good parent wants their child to have a good life, and mine were no exception, so when these nice nobles showed up, offering to adopt their young son and raise it as theirs, they agreed. I was packed off with them and told I was only going so they could teach me to read and write. It wasn't until later that I found out what they were really planning. I was kept unconscious for the adoption, and blood wards had to be used to keep me from trying to run home."

"But the bonds?" I was still having trouble wrapping my mind around what he was telling me. "Couldn't they tell that you didn't want what they had given you. Didn't they care?"

Ladislas summoned a glass container of some dark amber liquid and poured himself a glass. He also offered one to me, which I took. "Oh, they could, and on some level, my adoptive parents really did care about me, but I was unable to connect to them. They were wealthy and gave me everything I wanted, but the casual affection and the closeness of a real family that I had enjoyed before was absent. Since my adoptive mother was the head of the family's only child, she was expected to also have a child, so she had bowed to family pressure and presented me. They didn't care that I was adopted; the ritual had ensured as was every bit as her son as if she had bore me herself."

"How old were you?" I asked, and then I downed the alcohol in one gulp, which prompted Ladislas to pour me another.

"Nine, I think. It's been quite a long time, so I can't remember exactly, but I believe I was around that age." He frowned. "I can't even remember what my real name was. My adoptive parents named me Ladislas, and I kept it because it was the only name Rachim knew me as. Of course, I refused to go by it at first, and I refused to drink unless forced. It took them showing me that my birth parents had died in a fire before I quit fighting against them, and that was because I knew I had nowhere else to go. To this day, I think my dear grandfather -" The way he spoke the word grandfather made it sound like a slur. "- killed them himself, so his grandson would stop being an embarrassment to the family."

"I.. I just can't imagine that." I said as I sipped at my drink. "I was also taken from my family and turned against my will, but I was an adult, a grown man, not a boy."

Ladislas shrugged. "It was rough at first, but after learning that my mother and father were dead, I quit fighting them and just went along with whatever they wanted. I wasn't the perfect son that they had wished for; I had no interest in being part of the family, and despite everything they tried, I never grew to love any of them. Rachim was the only one I cared about, and when they took him from me, it was the final straw. When I found him dying in my grandfather's dungeon, I decided enough was enough and fled as far away as I could get. I would have gone further, but despite all the blood I was giving him, Rachim was still not getting any stronger, and I could barely feel the bonds between us. Silvanus helped us out, which I why I settled here."

Despite the subject matter, I chuckled slightly. "That sounds like Silvanus. He's such a giving soul."

"That he is. He allowed us to shelter with his family while I nursed Rachim past the worst of it, and he kept us hidden from those that were chasing us down. He even ceded part of his territory to me, so we would have a place to go without me having to fight for it."

"Was the castle already here?"

He nodded. "It was mostly intact them. The family that owned it had all been killed for some reason by a mob, and then I came in and killed the mob before they could ransack and burn it. Rachim and I didn't need the entire castle, so we settled in this wing and let the rest of it fall apart." Ladislas paused, and he looked up towards the ceiling. "Rachim is awake, and he's asking why I haven't come to bed yet, so I think I will go join him. The castle is yours to explore, and tonight I will show you where my hunting grounds are." He stood up, and I did the same.

"Sleep sounds like a splendid idea." I said. "I will see you tonight then?"

He nodded, and then the two of us separated. I went back to the rooms that Hector and I had been given, while Ladislas went off in another direction, presumably towards the bedroom that he shared with Rachim. I got a surprise when I walked into my and Hector's rooms. Our trunk was unpacked, things were put away, and the fireplace in the bedroom was going. I hadn't unpacked, and I certainly hadn't lit the fireplace, but I figured it was Ladislas' servants and let it go. Instead I went to the wardrobe to get ready for bed, and then I climbed into bed beside Hector, who was still asleep. He snuggled close, and I put an arm around him and wondered for a brief moment if Ladislas and Rachim shared a bed as well. Probably so since Ladislas' comment earlier had implied it, but it really wasn't my concern anyway. The main reason Hector and I shared a bed was simply because it was the only one in the house. Once he was stronger, I would have to see about having a second bedroom added.

With that thought, I settled down next to Hector and closed my eyes. Later tonight, once I had hunted and fed him, I would have to figure out the best way to tell him that he would never be able to be on his own. Ladislas was right; he had to know, the sooner the better.

******

That evening, I was awakened by a brush across my mind was Ladislas, who then informed me that he was going out to hunt. Would I like to join him? I sent that I would, and I carefully slipped out of bed, so not to wake Hector. He whimpered quietly and tried to reach for me, and I had to spent a moment soothing him before I was able to get dressed and head downstairs to meet Ladislas.

The two of us left the castle, and he showed me to his hunting grounds, where we both gorged ourselves since we had children to feed. While we were hunting, I sensed Hector waking up and felt a brief moment of panic since he didn't recognize his surroundings. I ducked into a small area between houses in the village I was in, and sent calming feelings down to him as I reminded him that we were visiting Ladislas and Rachim. That calmed him some, but he was still very agitated, and I sent to Ladislas that I needed to hurry up and return because Hector was upset. He acknowledged me, and we quickly finished hunting and went back to the castle. On our way back, I felt Hector calm down further, and I looked at Ladislas in confusion to see him smiling knowingly.

When we stepped back into the main part of the castle, I sensed Hector's presence still in the bedroom, but he was not alone. Rachim was up there with him, and Ladislas and I headed up there to feed them. When I walked into the bedroom, I smiled at the sight I saw. Hector was sitting up, propped up on the pillows, while Rachim sat in a chair by the bed. The candles were lit, and the curtains and windows were open, which allowed the salty night air to flow into the room. The two of them were talking like old friends, and I saw Ladislas smile as well when he came into the room.

Rachim looked up then, and his eyes lit up as he jumped out his chair and ran up to Ladislas with his arms open for a hug. Ladislas picked him up and carried him out of the room to be fed, while I walked up and sat on the bed beside Hector. He reached out to me, and I pulled him onto my lap. He was strong enough then that he could feed from my neck, so I just tilted my head to the side and held still as he bit me and began to drink.

"How are you feeling?" I asked once he had let go and relaxed in my arms.

"Still a little tired." he mumbled as he laid his head down on my shoulder. "I woke up because I couldn't feel you next to me, and I didn't know where I was, and..." He shivered, and I rocked him for a brief moment.

"Do you always know when I'm beside you?"

He nodded. "I guess I must be sensing you, but I always seem to know, even when I'm asleep."

"I'm sure the bond also has something to do with it." I said, but I was a little puzzled, truth be told. Maybe it was because he was so dependent on me, whereas I hadn't been so with Walter, but I had never been able to sense Walter while asleep. Finding him beside me or gone elsewhere whenever I woke up had always been a surprise waiting to happen. I hadn't been able to sense Kerwin that way either. I had been able to tell where he was when awake, but only if I wanted to. I would have to ask Ladislas if Rachim was the same way.

"Joachim?" Hector said.

"Hmm? What is it, child?" I asked as I raked his hair back from his face.

He opened his eyes then and looked directly into mine. "When am I going to get better? I'm tired of being tired and sick all the time. I hate bleeding everywhere and having to be changed like a baby every day. It's going to stop, right?"

I tried, but I wasn't able to contain my wince. I hadn't expected him to ask me so soon. I felt fear from his end of the bond, and he seemed to shrink away from me slightly.

"Master?" he whimpered. "I'm going to get better, aren't I?"

"You don't have to call me that, Hector." I said quietly, as I tried to stall long enough to figure out the best way to answer him. I didn't want to lie to him, but I didn't want to tell him flat out "No, you're not going to get better and you'll always be stuck with me." either.

"Master?" came that frightened whimper again, and I shook my head to clear it and looked at my now terrified child.

"Oh, Hector." I whispered as I smoothed his hair back. "Silvanus and I have watched you since I brought you home, and we think that while you may regain some strength with time, we believe that you'll never fully recover from what Actose did to you."

Hector looked up at me, his jaw working with no sound coming out for a few seconds. "What?" he finally managed as I saw the beginnings of tears in his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"When a vampire is starved for a long time," I explained as I hitched him up higher in my arms, "it damages their ability to absorb the blood they drink and heal themselves. I was starved like that by my master, but I was old enough that I was able to recover from the damage after about two years. If the vampire is very young when the starvation starts, it can either kill them or leave them weaker than they should be and bleeding for the rest of their life. Since Actose starved you from the moment you were turned, it hurt you to the point we don't think you're ever going to completely heal."

"But Actose fed me!" he protested.

"How often? When you were first turned you should have been feeding no less than once a day. Skipping a feeding here and there will not harm a vampire that's a few decades old or older, but for one so young skipping feedings can be dangerous."

"He fed me... he only fed me when I did what he wanted. He said it was a reward for pleasing him."

"How often did he feed you, Hector?"

Hector shook his head and wiped at his eyes. "I don't.. I don't know." he said as tears ran down his face. "Once every few days, I think, when I was too weak to fight him. He would.. he would... do what he wanted to me, and then he would feed me afterward."

Hmmm, maybe Hector would be all right after all? Once every few days if far too little for a young child, but it wasn't as bad as I had thought, so maybe...

"But then his other children would come and.. play with me," Hector continued with a sniffle. "and I would bleed it all back out. Or they would drink from me while they were.. hurting me."

Oh. That wasn't good. "How often did you get to keep the blood he gave you?"

Hector shook his head again. "I don't know. Maybe once a week or so?"

"That's not near enough for a young child, little one. If you had been rescued then, I might have been able to reverse the damage by feeding you like I do now, but not after sixty years."

"No!" Hector wailed as he began to cry. "I'm going to get better! I am!"

"You will get a little better, little one, but we don't know how much until it happens." I said gently as I rocked him. His tears were breaking my heart; I hated to see him so upset.

"You just don't want me to leave! You're saying that because you want to keep me forever!"

"Hector, if at any point you become strong enough to be on our own, then I will gladly let you go, but that's not going to happen. You were starved for too long when you were too young."

"No, no, no, NO! You just want me to yourself! Are you going to lock me up in the cellar and rape me every day now? Are you going to refuse to feed me until I do as you want?"

I growled quietly at his worlds and gave him a swat. Though the swat was cushioned by his nightshirt and the heavy pad buttoned around his waist, he still howled like I had I'd strapped him with a belt.

"Hector." I said firmly as I wished he had a family name so I could use it. "I will NEVER treat you as Actose did. You will never go without, I will never beat or torture you, and I absolutely will not EVER rape you. I experienced that far too often while living with my own master to ever inflict it on a child of mine. Now stop your howling; I just gave you a light swat."

"Just go away." he sobbed as he tried to wiggle out of my arms. "I don't want you."

"I'm not letting go of you until you calm down."

"Leave me alone!"

"No, Hector."

He placed his hands against my chest and tried to push me away, but of course he had no hope of moving me with his feeble strength. He gave up trying to get away from me then and just sagged in my arms as he cried. I just cradled him and sent comforting feelings down the bond to him, though I don't think he paid any attention to them. He cried himself to sleep after a while, but it wasn't until a few hours later that I put him back in bed. It was even longer before I left the room.

******

I tried to visit with Ladislas and Rachim as the night wore on, but my thoughts were on Hector sleeping upstairs, and I was a little worried about offending Ladislas. I suggested that maybe Hector and I ought to return home for the time being until he had time to come to terms with what I had told him, but Ladislas waved that away.

"Rachim went through the same thing." he said, and Rachim nodded in agreement. "Stay as long as you need."

Just before dawn, Ladislas and I hunted again, and I sensed Hector waking as we were heading out. When we returned, an hour or so later, Ladislas went off to the living room, where Rachim was, while I went upstairs. Hector was lying bed, watching the fire in the fireplace, and the smell of old blood tickled my nose when I walked in. He told me he hated it, and I could certainly understand why, but I would have to change the pads after I fed him.

Hector didn't move or even look at me when I pulled the blankets back to pick him up, and it was then that I was met with an unpleasant surprise. He had pulled the pads off and tossed them somewhere out of sight, and as a result, he had bled all over the bed and pillows. I looked at the bloody mess that was smeared all over him, as well as the sheets, blankets, and pillows, and then I looked at him. Hector just looked back at me with a calm expression, even though the bond belied his fear of angering me.

"What did you do this for, Hector?" I asked.

"I'm not a baby." he said casually.

"No, but you're certainly acting like one."

"What are you going to do, spank me?"

"I just might with the way you're acting. You seem to have forgotten that we are guests at someone else's home, and you have just bled all over a bed that does not belong to us."

"I'm not a baby!" he snapped.

"Then stop acting like one." I said as I picked him up.

"Put me down, Joachim!"

"No, you've bled all over yourself and need a bath, and once you're clean and dressed, you are going to apologize to Ladislas for your behavior." I carried him out of the bedroom and into the nearby bathroom. Bathroom were unheard of among humans in those days, but since we have such a strong sense of smell, we vampires have the tendency to be very strict about our hygiene as well as the hygiene of those around us. For that reason, our homes almost always have a room for bathing somewhere within it. Silvanus' doesn't, but he can use magic to keep himself clean.

"I will not!" Hector insisted as I carried him to to find a full bath already waiting. I would have to ask Ladislas about these servants of his. I could use one or two like that.

"Yes, you will." I pulled his bloodied nightshirt off, lowered him into the tub, and began to bathe him while ignoring his sudden shivers. He kept silent during the bath, and that silence continued as I lifted him out of the tub, dried him off, and carried him back to the bedroom to redress him. I received another surprise once in there.

The bed was spotless, not a spot of blood was visible anywhere. Now I really wanted to ask Ladislas about his servants, but Hector had to be taken care of first. Despite how angry I was feeling towards him, I carefully laid him down and summoned what I needed to dress him from the trunk.

"No!" he howled as I hoisted him up by his ankles. "I hate this! Don't do this to me!" He started to squirm, and though he wasn't able to get away from me, it made it very difficult to do what needed to be done.

"Hold still, Hector."

"Stop!"

Do you have any idea how hard it is to put what essentially a diaper on a grown man, who's thrashing and squirming like he's having some sort of nervous fit? I tried holding him down with one hand, but I needed both hands to keep him from kicking the pad away, and when he managed to land a kick against my chest, I lost all patience with him and gave him a hard slap against his left hip.

"Now be still, Hector!"

He went completely still then and looked up at me with eyes that were filling up with tears as I got the pad buttoned on. He then closed his eyes and began to bawl.

"Oh stop, Hector." I said irritably as I pulled a nightshirt over his head. "You're fine." I stuffed his arms through the sleeves and picked him up. I felt a brief moment of pure terror through the bond, and he went completely silent as I held him.

"Was that so bad?" I asked him. "If you hadn't have thrown a fit, I could have had you dressed easily without having to smack you." He didn't answer, nor did he put his arms around my neck as was normal when I held him in such a way. "Hector? C'mon, little one, it was just one smack." He shook his head, and he let out a distressed whine before he began to cry again. I sat down on the bed. "What's wrong, little one? I didn't hit you that hard, did I?" I didn't think I had hit him that hard, and I was getting no sense that he was in pain through the bond, but he was still feeling a great deal of fear. I had no explanation for it though.

"Why are you afraid, little one?" I asked him, to which he only shook his head again. His tears were soaking through my shirt, and I rocked him, at a loss as to what was wrong exactly.

He was shaking from exhaustion and thirst by the time he quieted down, and I was puzzled to feel relief from him when I let him drink. He then nodded off in my arms, and I laid him down in the spotless bed for the day. I could sense that Ladislas and Rachim were also in their room for the day, so I would have to ask about the servants another day. Not that I was too keen on leaving Hector alone after what had just happened anyway.

I dressed myself for bed, laid down next to him, and pulled the blanket over us, but for the first time, he did not snuggle in. I reached out and tugged him over, but he whimpered and scooted away. I stared at him, baffled. I had no idea what to do. Had that one slap against his hip upset him that badly? I checked the bond to see that the fear I had noticed earlier was still there, and under that was anger and resentment from, I assumed, having to be diapered like an infant. I had no explanation for the fear, unless the smack had made him think that worse was to come. Knowing Actose like I did, it wouldn't have surprised me if that was how he liked to do things. I could easily see how a slap for misbehavior could turn into a full beating or worse with him.

I scooted closer to Hector, so I could reach out and smooth back his hair, which now curled around his ears and the nape of his neck. He whimpered at the touch but didn't try to scoot further away, and I opened the bond wide from my end and sent feelings of love and safety to him. In response, he only curled up into a ball and turned his back to me.

What had I done to my child?

I barely slept as the day moved past because of what I was feeling from Hector's end of the bond. It kept me awake and worried, and the most I managed was a light doze. I went hunting before Ladislas got up, simply to have something to do, though he caught up to me easily. He didn't ask about Hector, and I'm sure that he already knew anyway. Hector woke while we were gone, and when we returned, Rachim was with him again. The two of us went into the living room, but Ladislas stopped me before I could go through the bedroom door. I looked at him, and he only put his finger to his lips and tilted his head in that direction.

"I'm not a baby." I heard Hector say quietly, and I turned my head to better listen.

"I'm not either." Rachim replied "But I still have to wear them so I don't ruin my clothes. Besides, getting blood on me makes me feel sticky, and I hate having baths."

I saw Ladislas smile at that out of the corner of my eye.

"Would you rather bleed all over yourself?" Rachim asked.

Hector didn't answer for a long moment. "No," he finally said, "I felt all... nasty and sticky, and he had to bathe me afterward."

"So what's the problem then?"

"I'm not a baby!" Hector snapped.

"We've established that, but when he tried to change you earlier, what did you do?"

"I... I kicked him." Hector mumbled.

"After throwing a temper tantrum. What would Actose have done if you had done that to him?" There was a long stretch of silence. "That's what I thought. So to sum it up: you're not a baby, yet you bleed all over yourself without that pad there, you hate being changed, again because you're not a baby, and when he tried to change you, you threw a fit and kicked him. Have I got everything?"

"He hit me." Hector whispered, and I winced, which caused Ladislas to lay a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Where did he hit you and how?"

"He slapped me on my hip."

"So he spanked you. Did you deserve it?"

"What?"

"Did you deserve it? Let me guess, he did it right after you kicked him?"

"Yes,"

"Then you deserved it. Does it still hurt?"

"No, it only hurt for a little bit."

"So hit gave you one slap as a warming to behave. Did he pull you over his lap and make it so you couldn't sit down?"

"No."

"Then you were let off lightly. The one time Ladislas spanked me, he dragged me over his lap and wailed on me until Silvanus made him stop."

"What did you do?"

"I threw an oil lamp at him. It missed, but it set the floor of our room on fire. Ladislas put it out right away, but we were staying in Silvanus' castle, so Ladislas was really angry at me for it."

"Why did you throw it?"

"I was tired of being helpless, and I wanted to do things myself, but he wouldn't let me, so I got angry and threw the nearest object at him. Ladislas walked away then, and Silvanus held me while I cried and asked me what would have happened if that lamp had hit Ladislas like I had intended."

"It would have set him on fire." Hector whispered.

"Yes, it would have, and that is what I said when Silvanus asked. He then told me that it could have burned him severely or even killed him, and then I would be without the one person who threw away everything he had for me."

"What happened?"

"I cried until Ladislas came back, and then I cried some more in his arms and told him how sorry I was, and that I never wanted to be without him. I told him that I was just frustrated because I was so weak and sick and couldn't do anything for myself, and I was so tired of it. He said he loved me and forgave me and said that the next time, I should just tell him instead of throwing things at him, something that maybe you ought to try. Did you actually tell Joachim anything before you threw a fit?"

"I.. I just told him that I'm not a baby."

"Was this before or after you bled all over?"

"After."

"So you were certainly acting like one then, weren't you."

"That's what he told me."

"Well, he's right."

"But he said I was always going to be sick and weak and helpless, and I was so angry at him for saying it and -"

Rachim cut Hector off. "Did he actually say that? Did he actually tell you that you would be sick and weak and helpless?"

Hector said nothing, and I could imagine him ducking his head at being called out on his lie. "No. He just said that they didn't think I would ever fully recover."

"And you took that to mean that you would be helpless and weak." There was a pause. "Do I look weak and helpless to you?"

"What?"

"I was starved for two centuries. Yes, I am weaker than I should be, and no I'll never be able to live without Ladislas, but I can move around and take care of myself. I can even hunt for myself, but it's easier to let Ladislas feed me. I get tired easily, I'm often cold and chilled, and I bleed all the time, but that's all I really have to worry about."

"That.. doesn't seem to bad."

"It just takes time to get there. You weren't starved for as long, so you should get better faster than I did."

"Really?"

"Mmmhmm. Now I don't know about you, but I'm thirsty."

"I am too, but.."

"But?"

"Joachim is angry with me."

"Do you really think he's going to make you go without?"

"I..."

"He's not Actose, Hector." There was another long pause. "Maybe you should apologize?"

Ladislas gave me a gentle nudge, and I walked into the bedroom. Rachim looked up at me, smiled, hopped down from his chair and toddled out of the room to join Ladislas. I could feel the two of them leaving as I walked up to the bed and sat down. Hector was sitting up against the pillows with his hands on his blanket covered lap and his head bowed.

"Hector?" I said softly, and I saw a single drop of blood fall from his nose to land on his hand. He raised his head and looked at me. His face was bloodless, with dark circles around his eyes, and his lips were trembling. He reached out to me with a little cry, and I pulled him onto my lap and let him drink. I rocked him and rubbed his back, and I could feel tears dripping onto my neck as he fed. I heard him take a hitching breath when he let go, and he leaned back to look at me again. Tears were rolling down his face, and he began to cry and laid his head on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." he sobbed. "Please don't be angry at me. I won't do it again! I promise I'll be good!"

I gently rocked him as his remorse flooded the bond. "Shhh," I cooed, "I'm not angry anymore. It's going to be all right."

"I'm sorry! I just... I don't want..."

"I understand, little one. No, you're not a baby, but right now you're still very sick, and you cannot take care of yourself as you are. Sometime in the future you'll be strong enough that you won't need me as much, but until that time comes, please let me take care of you. You don't like being helpless any more than I did, but it's just something you'll have to deal with for now. I promise it will get better in time."

He snuggled close to me, and I smiled slightly.

I let him cry himself out while I rocked him and stroked his hair, and when he was sitting quietly on my lap, I asked him a question that had been bothering me since the previous night.

"Hector?" I gently pulled him away from my shoulder so he was sitting on my lap looking at me. "Why were you so scared last night when I smacked you? Was that something that Actose did to you?"

He ducked his head and didn't answer for a long moment. "Hector?"

"No, not him." he finally said in a tiny voice without raising his head. "The others though.. they liked to do that. They said it was funny to listen to me cry, and some... It excited them. They would... spank me until I was bleeding, and the only way to get them to stop was to... willingly allow them to..." He trailed off and laid his head against my shoulder.

Stop! Stop! It hurts! I don't want any more!

What do you say?

Please... Please I want you to... f.. fu-

Hector's end of the bond slammed shut then, and he hid his face as he began to cry softly. I repositioned him so he was straddling my lap, and though it was a little awkward with him being taller than me, it allowed him to rest his head on my shoulder and hide his face in my hair. His arms came around my neck and held on tight.

"You don't ever need to hide from me, Hector." I whispered. "You did nothing wrong; there's nothing to be ashamed of. They were torturing you, and you just wanted it to stop."

"Why did he take me? Why did he have to do that to me?"

"I don't know, child. I have no answers for you, but those days are over. You're with me now, and I will never do as they did. I may give you a slap or two when you misbehave, but I will never hit you hard enough to injure you." He raised his head and looked at me, and I gave him a gentle smile. "I love you Hector. You are my child, my little one, and though we won't always agree, and we will probably have more rough patches like this, that will never change. I will always take care of you, and I will always be there when you need me."

His arms tightened around my neck, and the bond opened back up with relief prominent above the emotional storm he was feeling. "I love you." I whispered in his ear, and he snuggled as close as he could.

By the time he quieted, I could feel through the bond how tired he was, so I gently laid him down. He didn't protest when I changed the pads, and when that was done, he reached out to me.

"Stay?"

"Of course, little one, of course, I'll stay." I kicked my boots off and laid down beside him, and he did his usual routine of nestling close and tucking his head under my chin. "Goodnight, child."

He was most of the way asleep already. "G'night. M'sorry."

"It's over and done with, little one. Go to sleep now."

Hector yawned and went still, and then he fell asleep, tucked safely against me.

Chapter 5-3 – Chapter 5-5
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