Heart to Heart Chapter 8

[eiahmon]

Title: Heart to Heart
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Disney and Square own it all; I only wish I did. Why in the hell cant I come up with these wickedly cool characters and twisted plots? Why?
Summary: Sequel to Burning Heart and Earth's Rebirth. A special assignment from Ansem sets Dilan's conscience on edge, and he reaches out to the only person that he knows can help, the one person that he though he would never speak to again; Xehanort.

8.

Xavier spent a moment gathering his thoughts, while anxiousness forced him to his feet. He walked over to one of the tall mullioned windows and looked out absently over the front yard.

"Eighty-two years ago," he began in a quiet voice "I was born on the Destiny Islands." Behind him, he heard Xehanort suck in a breath, but he ignored him and continued. "Before I was even an hour old, my mother named me Xehanort, after the sea god that we were believed to be descendants of." He paused and glanced over his shoulder to see Xehanort staring at him intently with wide eyes, but the child remained silent, so Xavier turned back to the window. "When I was fourteen, I left the Destiny Islands to train as a keyblade apprentice. When I was twenty-four, I passed my Mark of Mastery exam and was awarded with the title of Keyblade Master. I then spent many years wandering the worlds, seeing all that there was to see and learning so much.

"In time, like everyone else, I grew old, but I wanted to extend my life. I found a way to do so, but it cost me my memories and left me badly hurt. I was rescued by the ruler of a world called Radiant Garden, and he adopted me as his son, since I remembered nothing but my name. I wanted to learn who I had once been, and so when Master Ansem agreed to perform a series of experiments to try and unlock my heart, I eagerly agreed, not knowing what we were about to unleash.

"I had traveled a very dark path before the life extension, and the experiments let that darkness out. I changed, became a different person. I led my fellow apprentices down the same dark path, and it ended with Radiant Garden destroyed and creatures of darkness known as the Heartless running free across the worlds. They destroyed many worlds before they were pushed back just a handful of years ago. Many people rightly blamed me for the destruction that had taken place, but before I could be caught and punished for what I had done, I became very, very ill. The person that had helped me in my various schemes abandoned me here, and Masa found me and carried me to the hospital, where I languished in a coma, fighting a deadly infection, for eight days. When I woke up, once again, my memories were gone.

"I was adopted again, this time by Masa's parents, and I lived here for two years until my memories started to return. The darkness that I had used for so long had essentially split my personality in two. One half was me, the person that you know. The second one was my darker half, the one that actually extended our life, destroyed Radiant Garden, and loosed the Heartless on the universe. When my memories began to return, he began to return as well.

"I knew what he would do if he were to fully awaken, so I used my keyblade to split my heart in two, with me in one half, and him in the other. I then destroyed him. The damage to my heart caused me to fall into a coma again, only waking here safely once my heart had healed. Some of those that I knew in Radiant Garden have long forgiven me – Even is one of them actually – but there are many that haven't. I assume that since they weren't able to get to me to punish me, they decided to create someone to take their anger out on." He turned away from the window to look at Xehanort, who was shaking by this time and looking at him with the face of someone that's about to be sick. "Which is how you came to be. It is entirely possible to make a copy of a person. The copy, or Replica as they are called, is an exact copy of a person, down to the DNA. The personality may be different, but otherwise they are the same unless something goes wrong."

Here, he walked up to Xehanort, knelt down in front of him, and took the boy's hands in his own. "You, Xehanort, are a Replica of me," he said quietly "given life to take the punishment that they couldn't inflict on me."

Xehanort shook his head. "No," he said "I'm not a Replica of you. I'm not just a copy of you. I wasn't created to take anything! I remember my parents! I remember my home! I'm not a Replica!"

"Yes, you are, child." Xavier said gently, yet firmly as he looked into the boy's brown eyes, which were pooling up with tears "Memories can be faked and implanted. Your memories are copies of mine; that is why you can remember things."

"No!" Xehanort tried to yank his hands away, but Xavier wouldn't let go. "No! It's not true! My memories are real! I am real! My mother's name is Riki, and -!"

"Your father's name is Josel." Xavier continued, still speaking calmly "You were born during a small hurricane, and local legend has it that the second you took your first breath, the eye crossed over the island, which some took to mean that Lord Xehanort was pleased over your birth. You loved water and often cried after your bath was done because you didn't like getting out. Your parents owned the general store, and you started helping your father there at the age of eight. Your twelfth birthday present was a small wooden sailboat that you named Wind Shear, and you liked to take her on day trips between the islands when you didn't have work or school. Everyone thinks that since you like being in the water so much your favorite color is blue, but it's actually gray. When you were seven, a group of older boys dared you to try and control the ocean, and when you couldn't do it they shoved you into the water. You cut your face on a rock in the fall and told your mother that you'd cut it on a seashell while swimming."

Xehanort shook his head wildly, flinging tears from his cheeks. "NO! How can you know that! This isn't possible! Someone told you this stuff about me! It has to be that!" He tilted his head back and quit trying to pull his hands away as he began to cry. "There's no way you could know all of this!"

Xavier moved from the floor to the couch besides the distraught teenager, while still holding firmly to his hands. "I know because I lived it. The Wayfinder? Mom always told me that she had found it -"

"In my basket, the morning after I was born." Xehanort finished between sobs.

Xavier nodded. "Yes," he said quietly "I left it behind when I left the Destiny Islands and haven't seen it in 68 years.

"This isn't real!" Xehanort wailed "This can't be happening! This isn't real!"

"It is real, little one. They gave you your life so they could take their anger at me out on you. Dilan told Even about you, who came and told me. I couldn't leave you there to suffer when it wasn't you that had committed the wrongs, so I went to get you and brought you here. I am the closest thing you have to a parent -"

"NO!" Xehanort screamed, and Xavier wondered if anyone could hear him outside. "You're not my mother or father! My memories are real, and I want to go home! Take me home, right now!"

"You are home."

"This isn't my home! Let me go!" Xehanort pulled his hands out of Xavier's grip, and he bolted to his feet and ran out of the room. Xavier stood up to follow him, and he made it to the doorway just as he heard the backdoor slam. He walked through the house to the backdoor, and he stepped out on the back porch just in time to see Xehanort running into the barn. Heras, who was in the pasture, sent him a questioning glance, but Xavier waved him off. He had to handle this alone.

Inside the barn, he found Xehanort huddled in a back corner of the hayloft, curled up into a ball and crying.

"Stay away!" the boy wailed as Xavier ascended the ladder "Leave me alone!" He scooted back until he was pressed against the sloping roof timbers that made up the back wall of the loft. "Please go away!"

Xavier climbed up onto the loft floor and sat down near the ladder, and Xehanort looked away from him. "I know it hurts, little one," he said quietly over Xehanort's crying "and I didn't want to cause you any more pain, which is why I delayed telling you for so long. Telling someone that everything they thought they knew is a lie is never an easy thing to do."

"It's not a lie!" Xehanort screamed, though the scream tapered off into a sob. "It's not a lie. I'm not a Replica. My memories aren't copies."

Xavier felt a few tears slide down his own face as he scooted closer, and his heart ached to see Xehanort in pain as his world crashed down around him.

"I was the dream of every girl is school." he continued, not wanting to hurt the child further, but needing to get his point across "but I ignored them all. The only girls that I allowed into my life were Mom and Wind Shear. I found their sighing and eye fluttering quite annoying, though none of them ever seemed to figure that out."

Xehanort wailed, and Xavier scooted closer. "Whenever I got into trouble, I would talk to my Wayfinder. I would tell it what I had done and how unfair my parents were being, and there were times that I was certain that Lord Xehanort was listening, even though I never heard or saw him." Xehanort shook his head in denial, and Xavier scooted close enough that he could reach out and gather the boy into his arms.

The child screamed again and slammed his fists into Xavier's chest as he struggled to get away. Xavier ignored the blows and simply cradled him until he finally quit fighting and laid there in his arms, crying. He then sat the boy up, but Xehanort didn't grab onto him, snuggle closer, or do anything that suggested that he was accepting the comfort that was being offered. Instead, he only cried.

"I know that it feels like it," Xavier said softly as he rocked the crying child in his arms "but it's not the end of the world. You still have a family; you have me, and I love you so very much." Xehanort shook his head as a sob shook him. "This is your home, and I am your father. I swear that I will care for you, protect you, and love you as a parent should. You will always have a home and family with me."

Xehanort said nothing in response; he only cried as Xavier carefully stood up, walked up to the edge of the loft, and lightly hopped down. The ten foot drop was nothing for him, and he carried Xehanort out of the barn and back into the house. They received a few glances, but no one said anything as they went up the stairs to Xehanort's room, where Xavier settled into the rocking chair with the boy on his lap. Xehanort nestled close as his cries dropped to hiccups and sniffles, and soon he fell silent, and a quick check showed that he had cried himself to sleep. Xavier didn't move from the chair; he passed the rest of the evening in the rocker, with Xehanort in his arms. Just after sundown, he reluctantly tucked him into bed and then returned to the rocker, where he stayed, watching his child sleep, the entire night through.

A quiet groan roused Xavier in the morning, and he let out a groan of his own when his back protested having to move after sleeping in a chair for several hours. He rubbed the sand and gunk from his eyes and looked at Xehanort's bed just in time to see him slowly push himself up with one arm and rub his own eyes.

"Xavier" he mumbled as he pushed the blanket away and sat the rest of the way up "What are you doing in here?"

Xavier stood up from the chair and stretched before he answered. "I didn't want to leave you alone after what you learned yesterday."

"What I learned...?" Xehanort trailed off, and then he looked despondently at his lap "So it wasn't a dream then." he said quietly.

Xavier walked over and sat down on the bed beside him. "No, it wasn't." he said gently.

Xehanort didn't look up. "Oh,"

"Xehanort?"

The child shook his head and said nothing, so Xavier reached out with one arm and pulled him close. "It's not the end of the world, little one."

"Yes, it is." Xehanort said quietly as he pulled himself out of the embrace and stood up "Go away. Just go away and leave me alone." He walked out of the room then, and a moment later, Xavier heard the slamming of the back door.

******

For the rest of the day, Xavier watched Xehanort from a distance. The child didn't speak to or acknowledge anyone, though Xavier often saw him speaking quietly to the horses. His words were too faint and distant to be made out though. It pained him to watch the child, obviously suffering, but not allowing anyone to comfort him, and he wondered, what else had he been expecting? Xion had had a similar reaction after discovering her origins, made worse no doubt by questions that only Vexen could have answered.

And speaking of Vexen, he still needed to speak to Even about Replicas, and maybe seeing little Vexen would show Xehanort that a Replica could still live a full, happy life. He would have to look into that later, as soon as he could leave Xehanort alone long enough to pay a visit to Radiant Garden. And that, he knew, could take a while.

Xehanort did not eat breakfast or lunch, and he went up to his room well before dinner. Before Xavier could follow him, his mother gestured him into the kitchen and shoved a full plate into his hands.

"He needs to eat." she said simply before she shooed him up the stairs.

He found Xehanort in his room, sitting on the edge of the bed, staring sullenly at the cold fireplace.

"Are you hungry, Xehanort?" he asked quietly as he stepped through the door. Xehanort only shook his head. "You haven't eaten all day; you must be hungry."

Xehanort turned away. "Go away. I don't want to speak to you."

"Xehanort-"

"I said go away!" The boy spun around, knocked the plate out of Xavier's hand, which caused it crash to the floor and break, and bolted from the room. Xavier sighed as he picked up the broken crockery and spilled food; this was was going to be harder than he had thought. Once the mess was cleaned up, he asked Jachin which way Xehanort had gone, and he was informed that he had run out the front door.

The sun was setting, and though the world didn't have a problem with wild animals attacking people, it did happen off and on, and Xehanort was small enough that wolves or other predators might see him as an easy meal. This was largely due to a limited diet – Xavier remembered how short he had been before leaving the Destiny Islands. About a month after leaving for the Land of Departure, the diet changes had caused him to hit a large growth spurt, and Master Limahl had had difficulty in keeping him in fitting clothes for a while.

He followed Xehanort out of the yard and across the newly planted fields that surrounded the house, and he managed a smile to see that, even while running, the teenager was careful not to trample the young seedlings. Ahead of him, just barely visible in the fading light, he could see Xehanort running across the fields, towards the spot where the world's hidden keyhole was located. He followed at a more sedate pace, to give him time to run off some of his anger and to give him a little space before approaching him again. If need be, he could always portal to him.

Xehanort finally came to a stop at the tree that hid the keyhole, and he slumped to the ground between its massive roots.

"I said I don't want to speak to you." he growled as Xavier walked up to him.

Xavier ignored him and sat down next to him. He also ignored the boy shying away from him, though it made his heart ache to see it.

"It was difficult," he began as he watched the setting sun as it cast its red light on everything "when I first found out who exactly I had once been. I had always wondered how I had ended up here. Had I been kidnapped and then dumped here? Had my family thrown me out, and then I had wandered here in a fevered daze? Had I been abandoned by people that no longer wanted me in their lives? No one here knew me, so my parents – Elissa and Jascha – adopted me into their home and family. I accepted my memory loss as a fact of life, but part of my heart still yearned to know who I was and where I had come from."

Beside him, Xehanort shifted in place but said nothing.

"But then my memories began to awaken, which summoned the Heartless to to this world. The Heartless are attracted to keyblade wielders, and they came here for me." It wasn't the entire truth, but that could wait for another time. "They destroyed everything, and I was flung to another world. Over the next five days, I traveled the other worlds, looking for my family as my memories continued to awaken. I encountered Even, Dilan, and the others at Radiant Garden, but they did not trust me, though I didn't know why exactly. I had been told that I had been responsible for the world's destruction years ago, but I had no memory of it.

"It wasn't until I helped Lea and Roxas rescue Isa from his prison cell that Lea and Ienzo began to trust me, and they convinced Even, Dilan, and Aeleus to give me a chance. I then went to speak to Naminé, and she helped me regain the rest of my memories. It was horrible afterwards, realizing that everything that I had thought and known was wrong. I had not been lost, and I did not have a family that was loving me and missing me. No one had stolen me and left me here. My darker half had tried to further his schemes and had fallen ill while doing so. His helper had decided that caring for him while he was ill was more trouble than it was worth and had left him here. While he was sick, he was locked away, and I regained control. That was it; there was no lost family, no one looking for me and hoping that I was safe. It was just that the darker side of my personality had gotten sick and had been left here.

"I split my heart in two, destroyed my darker half, which allowed my fragmented heart to join back together and heal, and then picked up my life from where it had been before the world's loss. The only reason that I could was because I had people that I considered family with me." He turned to look at Xehanort, who was steadfastly looking away from him. "I know how hard this is, Xehanort, and I understand that you're angry, but I'm here. You still have a family that loves you."

Xehanort didn't answer; instead the boy leapt to his feet and began to stalk back towards the house. Xavier watched him go for a moment before he slumped back against the tree with a sigh.

"What am I going to do?" he asked quietly, but the sun had no answers for him. With another sigh, he heaved himself up and turned towards home.

When he walked through the front door a few minutes later, Masa quietly informed him that Xehanort had gone up to his room, so he went upstairs and knocked on Xehanort's door. There was no answer, so he quietly turned the knob and opened the door.

Xehanort's bedroom was dark when he stepped inside. The fireplace was cold and empty, there were no candles or lamps going, and the curtains were pulled shut over the windows. He could just barely make out Xehanort lying on his left side on the bed, with his face hidden in his arms. He walked in and shut the door behind him before he approached the bed. There was no mumbled "Go away," this time, and he eased himself down beside him and waited.

Minutes ticked by in silence, until Xavier reached out and gently placed a hand on Xehanort's shoulder. "Xehanort?" He felt a shudder run through the boy's body then, and there was a soft, quiet sob. "Oh, Xehanort." He reached out and gently lifted the child up into his arms and held him on his lap. Xehanort did not struggle or resist, he simply curled close to Xavier and cried.

"Not fair," he cried softly "It's not fair. I didn't want any of this. Why? I didn't do anything wrong, so why?"

"No, it isn't fair." Xavier said quietly as he rocked Xehanort and ran his hand down his hair "There is nothing fair about being punished for something that you did not do and were in no way responsible for. If I could, I would make every single one of them pay for what they did. Anyone that deems it acceptable to torture and abuse a child has forfeited their right to live, as I see it." Xavier held Xehanort closer. "I love you, little one. I love you so much, and I know that it hurts. I know that it's hard, but I will be here, with you, for as long as you need and want me. I promise you. I will never leave you, never hurt you, and I will never stop loving you."

"Promise me," Xehanort said through his tears "Promise me that you won't go away."

"I promise."

"Promise that you won't ever hurt me."

"I promise, Xehanort."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes, gods yes."

Xehanort looked up at him with his eyes red and swollen and his face wet with tears. "I love you too." he whispered, and then he hid his face in Xavier's hair. Xavier realized that he was also crying as he let out a watery sob and pressed his lips to Xehanort's hair.

Xehanort cried himself to sleep in Xavier's arms, so Xavier laid down with him, reluctant to let his child go, even while they slept.

******

When Xavier blinked his eyes open in the morning, Xehanort was still curled up against him, sleeping. He gently brushed a few strands of the boy's sleep tousled hair out of his face and smiled. Xehanort was clinging to him tightly, yet the rest of his body was relaxed and quiet, so Xavier smiled again and waited for him to wake up.

It didn't take long, and barely an hour later, the child stirred, and his eyes blinked open. He sighed, nestled closer, and then asked a question.

"How old am I?"

"About 13 weeks as near as I can figure." Xavier replied in a soft voice.

Xehanort looked up at him with a puzzled expression. "How can I be that young? That's just a baby."

"Even can explain this more than I can, but Replicas undergo greatly accelerated growth until they reach the desired age and size, then the growth is slowed to normal, or stopped completely if the body is physically mature. Your age is counted from the day you were 'birthed' from the tube that you grew in."

Xehanort flinched slightly at "Replica" but he continued on without a pause. "Tube?"

"A large glass tank, filled with artificial amniotic fluid, that's large enough to hold a grown man with room to spare."

"But... but how? How do you create a copy of a person? How is such a thing possible?"

"I don't really know, unfortunately. Even can answer your questions better than I can, so I'll take you to see him soon. While we're there, you can meet Vexen."

"Who is that?"

"Vexen is a Replica of Even. Even lost track of him years ago, and then found him just over a year later, slowly starving to death in an abandoned castle. He took him back to Radiant Garden and adopted him and now treats him as a son."

"When can we go?"

Xavier shifted and thought for a second. "I'll have to go to Radiant Garden alone, and meet with Even, so we cane come up with a date and time. It's... not the safest for me to go there, and it's extremely dangerous for you, so I'd rather he come here than we go there."

Xehanort looked down for a moment." Oh," he said, and then looked back up "Who are the other Replicas of you?"

Xavier winced inwardly; he had been hoping to avoid the story of the possession for a while yet. "There is only one: Terra."

"Where is he then? Why doesn't he live here with you?"

"Terra lives on another world with his own family."

"But why not with you?"

Xavier sighed. "Remember how I told you my darker half extended our life?" Xehanort nodded hesitantly. "He extended our life by forcing our heart into Terra's body and taking control. When Terra fought back, he used Dark Gaze to seal both hearts away, which caused my memory loss. I didn't know about the possession, and since the memory loss affected my darker half as well, even after he regained control, he didn't remember it either. It wasn't until I met Even and Ienzo in Radiant Garden six years ago, that I found out about it, though Terra had been speaking to me for a few days before that. Three years later, Even used my DNA and data to conceive a Replica, and once it was ready, I extracted Terra's heart and sent it to its new home. I cared for Terra for a while until he was able to look after himself, and then I took him home."

"Is that why we don't look exactly alike?" Xehanort asked.

"Yes, because I am not in my original body anymore. Terra resembled me greatly, but we didn't look exactly the same."

Xehanort looked down and said nothing for a while, and then: "Did you mean what you said last night?" he asked in a tiny voice.

"Every word."

"Are you really sure that I'm a Replica?"

"As certain that you're here in front of me."

A shudder ran through Xehanort's body, and Xavier said nothing as the boy began to cry again. He only held him and allowed him to cry himself out. He then gently raked the boy's damp hair back from his face and smiled at him.

"I know that it's probably the last thing on your mind right now," he said "but are you hungry? You haven't eaten since the day before yesterday."

"May I eat up here?" Xehanort asked meekly "I don't... I can't face everyone right now. What do they think of me now?"

"They know already, little one."

"They knew... about me? And they didn't say anything?"

"It wasn't their business to tell. It was something that you needed to hear from me."

"Do they all know?"

"Everyone but Alexander, I believe. I only told my parents, but the others deduced it from simply looking at you."

Xehanort nodded. "I still don't want to go downstairs." he said in a tiny voice.

"Alright," Xavier sat up "I'll bring something up."

"Promise that you're coming back?"

Xavier smiled at him again. "I promise." He then walked out of the room and headed downstairs in search of breakfast.


Chapter 7 -- Chapter 9
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